


Deep, Oceanic Blues

by everything_Klance, now_for_writing, SBK



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst lance, Brain Damage, Depression, Drowning, F/F, F/M, Forest fired, Gen, Insomnia, M/M, Mental Disease, Multi, Other, Slow Burn, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Emotional Tension, anger managment starring shiro and keith, blaming ones self for the actions of others, depressed, emotional truama, like slow guys, mental health, really pretty slow, the failing of being healthy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2018-09-21 01:43:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 26,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9526310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everything_Klance/pseuds/everything_Klance, https://archiveofourown.org/users/now_for_writing/pseuds/now_for_writing, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SBK/pseuds/SBK
Summary: Death was way too real. Especially since Lance was so close to the word in his life than ever before.Keith cries at night, alone.Shiro blames everyone but himself.Hunk can't focus, even when baking.And Pidge? They suggest an idea that sends everyone into chaos.And they agree on it.Pull the plug





	1. Unresolved

 

What is it like to watch someone drown? Well their hair floats up by each, individual strand, and there’s panic sworming in their milk-chocolate eyes. There's also the way they look so peaceful at some point, as the water pushes into their lungs, and they've gone long enough without oxygen that their brain stops altogether. It's the cycle of life, Lance supposes. It's a thing that happens, everyone dies. Be it in the ocean, a lake, or the strange waters of some, unknown planet when your lion shuts down and the cockpit ends up _opening._

 

So maybe the proper question isn't quite that, but it's close to the main idea, let's try again.

 

What is it like _to_ drown with your best friend? Lance is doing it right now, and even then he can't quite explain it. It's like, wanting to scream and freak out, flail and push and fight and punch - but being unable to. There's too much water, and you're so _tired._ Hunk’s beady, brown eyes pierce Lance’s soul - and it's the feeling of: I let you down Hunk, and I'm sorry.

 

The water _rushes_ and _fills_ Lance’s lungs, no oxygen remaining in his body, and soon, a beautiful blacken void crawls around him. He feels a sense of serenity and overwhelming peace, Lance, for but a moment, feels free. Then it's unimaginable - it's lonely and scary. Lance is _dead._

 

\---

 

Keith doesn't sleep for a consecutive four days, pacing the castle halls, talking with the mice that only Allura seems to understand, and training. He trains so much that he loses his thoughts to muscle memory, letting himself guide his way to victory, sword clashing against sword. Shiro _clearly_ disapproves of this, if his knitted together eyebrows have anything to say about it. The poor guy has tried thing after thing, prying into Keith to find out more.

 

But Keith’s as tight lipped as always, and instead focuses on the stress accumulating in the pits of his stomach. How could he sleep? He's always had trouble, insomnia if you will, but this is much more serious. This is _way_ more serious, this has to do with cold waters and even colder bodies - and _Lance._ It has so much to do with Lance, that Keith can hardly remember to _breathe._

 

It has to do with the fact that Hunk woke up, and Lance is still under. Still enclosed in that humming, cylinder, pod. Highlighted only by the blue tech of the castles machinery. It digs deeper than that even, so deep that Keith almost shuts down on day five, when it's almost been a full week with zero results. The first twenty-four hours is the most important, because if there's not even the smallest sign, _the person could be trapped in that endless, forever lasting dream._

 

Or maybe Keith spends too much time watching dramas and soap operas, fueling his inner sweet tooth when it comes to romantic movies. Or then again, maybe he's not. Maybe he dreams entirely of it being him and a certain someone, who is tall, tan, and lanky. Keith references Lance as TTL, and Lance is kinda stupid and ends up taking it as an insult - endearing.

 

Keith doesn't like making friends - or having crushes. Especially when your crush is in a pod, and is very unresponsive. Maybe the word “crush” paints a lighter picture, because everyone who knows Keith, knows that he pours his one hundred percent into everything. Yeah, Keith is entirely enamored and in every, single, possible way, in love with the blue paladin.

 

Even when all they do is bicker, make jabs at one another, and complain when they're alone in each other's presence. But that's what tests Keith’s affection, and then furthermore, proves its existence. But there is no chance these feelings are shared, it's an unrequited love. A one sided affection that stirs something in Keith, that makes him impulsive - more so than usual - Lance influences him.

 

“Lance is going to be asleep for a very, very long time.” Keith says aloud, to no one in particular but himself, and this is the final push. The gates lift, and the flood starts. Clear liquid drips from his eyes, slowly, and then fast, and Keith has to cover his mouth and roll on his side, his free hand avariciously grasping at his hip.

 

\---

 

Hunk can't eat, and as someone who is very enthusiastic about food, this thought cripples him - and everyone else included.

 

Hunk thinks that if his mass of a yellow, boulder like lion hadn't slammed into Lance’s, Lance would be shouting about how cute girls are. Lance would be making fun of Keith’s mullet, and bothering Pidge and their science. Lance would be begging Shiro to tell him about the interior of Galra ships, and asking Allura what certain points in the universe are like. How many different galaxies there are, which are the biggest, stuff like that.

 

But Lance is gone for now, and in his stead is dreadful silence. Keith looks ready to die from exhaustion, Pidge hasn't picked up one gadget, and instead has taken to keeping princess Allura company, and Shiro? He's been seen maybe once or twice around Keith, and only Keith.

 

Hunk just has himself and his thoughts, and that's saying something.

 

Hunk knows that Lance’d be mad if he didn't at least eat a _bite_ of food, so he lifts that spoon to his lips, ever so unsteady, and takes a bite. Watching the table under him as it's stained with water, as his face wrinkles up and tears storm down his face. Hunk feels so _alone_ , and for once in his life, he genuinely misses Lance and his overall embarrassing antics.

 

Hunk sobs alone, painted by the glow of the kitchen.

 

\---

 

Shiro shouldn't have let Allura tag along, because if she hadn't then she wouldn't have gotten taken, and if she didn't get taken, then they wouldn't have had to go rescue her, and Lance would be talking about how much he could go for a dip in the pool.

 

Shiro is a leader, and he has failed at his job of guiding - at being there for every, single paladin. Hell, he can't even leave his room - aside from bugging Keith. Keith is dangerous, like a bomb. If ignored he'll explode, and no one seems to be talking to one another normally - not yet. Not ever, this all depends on Lance. If Lance will wake up, or doom the universe - and maybe that's a harsh way to put it, but what else can Shiro say? He's worried, sure, but he's also scared. Scared for other reasons, scared of the thump of soldier boots, his robotic arm - he can't even stand the color purple or cobalt blue.

 

Shiro feels like a failure, but it can't be compared to anything that Allura is thinking. Allura must be harshly blaming herself, hating every fiber of her being - she got captured - she killed Lance. But that's not fair, and with a _deep breath…_

 

“It's no one's fault, and it's everyone's fault.” And shiro let's go, he lets everything fall into that sweep, lets his brain be completely flushed out of everything toxic - of everything that's eating away his muscle - his mental health. Placing the blame on anyone - including yourself - will only worsen the situation and how good you'll be on the battlefield. Shiro had to learn this the hardest way, after being a prisoner, and losing two of his comrades, and then _ditching them._

 

Shiro doesn't cry, he sucks on his thumb like a baby, and closes his eye. A tired paladin is next to useless, and they already have one out of commission - in the morning he’ll think of a plan - a way to calm everyone down. To get them to realize it's none and all of their faults, and to dwell on it is to put forming Voltron at risk.

 

Shiro falls asleep.

 

\---

 

Coran doesn't really have a take on the situation, other than this is extremely taxing to everyone. His only take on this is that things would be easier if Lance wasn't such a drama queen, it’d be easier if Lance was awake right now. Being as jealous as ever of Keith, begging Shiro to take him along on some dangerous, intricate mission.

 

But of course, nothing is that easy.

 

So he goes back to tweaking his reddish orange mustache, and polishing his castle windows, and cleaning up the messes that are gaining fewer and fewer with the lack of Lance. So Coran sets the alarms later and later, and doesn't offer any feedback unless asked.

 

And bit by bit, Coran falls out of routine, of balance, and he can't help but hope, by day six, that Lance wakes up.

 

\---

 

Allura clutches her fists, and hollers into the plush pillow on her bed, pounds her fists into the mattresses, takes many forms and beats anything she can get her hands on, into oblivion. Then she allows herself but a moment to catch her breath, drink some water, and then repeat. This was she's getting exercise, AND letting out loads of built up stress that isn't going anywhere but her back and head.

 

It was her father that had initially explained this to her, saying that doing all this was key to keeping a cool head and being able to assess any situation at hand. _Of course,_ life just isn't that easy, and she still feels like quiznack.

 

So she takes to pacing her room, and then finally hunting down the nearest paladin and revelling in the company that they offer. This paladin happens to be green, and named Pidge. Pidge proves to rely on Allura just the same, and the two end up mercilessly confiding in one another. Sharing the emotional trauma so it isn't so _bad._ It's still awful, and they both still miss the _fuck_ of Lance, but it helps.

 

“I have a proposition.” Pidge finally speaks to Allura, when they're alone on the deck, sharing each other's company and staring at the beautiful stars twinkling in the sky. They've attached to a floating mass of rock for now, letting everyone rest in one place for a moment - but really they're waiting for Lance to wake up before doing anything.

 

“What might that be?” Allura inquires, moving to look at the other and their calculating eyes. They offer a small, yet sad smile.

 

“What if we…”

 

And the two make conversation.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some reason lance didnt format right


	2. Heartache

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After all, Keith has his struggle and his own feelings about this.

Step, step, step.

Breath in, breath out.

Repeat.

It works. Just thinking about training was all he could really do. Just repeat the same thing.

Step, step, step.

Breath in, breath out.

Repeat.

But it wasn't enough. It was never enough considering Keith’s deteriorating mental state. He was clouded. He couldn't think straight. He wouldn't focus, he was just... Stuck. Of course Shiro began to notice. Being the space dad that he was, he wanted to keep Keith as happy as before; wanted him to be himself. Instead of being, as Pidge would say, more emo. This wasn't a joke. This wasn't another thing Team Voltron could just pull through and magically go back to how things were. No, this was... This was a slump that would have been worse if the situation relied on Hunk AND Lance’s ability to come to. If Hunk was comatosed as well... Voltron would be over. Voltron would have let the universe down. The team would cave in further than they already have, and it would be a devastating event.

Hunk most of all.

However, Keith– he was different. He was a new person. A new person with the name Keith. Completely silent. He never really spoke unless he really had to. He never even smiles. He has that one, crushed look on his face. It’s a sad, blank expression, Purple, glossy eyes constantly staring at the ground. He wouldn't - couldn’t, look at people. He wasn’t even able to leave his brain, unless someone gained his attention through startling pats or ‘Hey Keith’ a bit louder than they really should have to. He actually hates it when people call out to him, no matter who; it's Lance’s voice. It’s always Lance’s stupid, loud voice.

The training robot ended their session by ramming its shoulder into Keith, knocking the red paladin back, causing him to stumble and end up falling to the ground. His breathing sharpens as he grabbed his butt from the fall, it hurt more than it ever has before. Which was honestly, rather upsetting and surprising. Shiro witnessed the incident and ran inside, calling for Keith. Keith jolted down to earth and quickly turned to see Lance, yet, it wasn’t. He was disappointed, not in Lance, nor Shiro, but only himself. His heart sank to the lowest pit in his stomach, his throat closed up as he choked on his own spit and emotions. His eyes were red and swelling, with his face burning he stood and walked past Shiro. He was hastily trying to reach his room, literally anything to get away from Shiro. He clenched his fist and started to speed walk, marching with vigor past Pidge looking in the opposite direction. He walked past Allura who was talking with Corran, he even walked past Hunk who was slumped and sitting on a chair. His head in his hands, distressed, hurt, and guilty of potentially having ruined Lance’s life - and many others. Keith frowned at the sight of the once happy, foodaholic man, who was but a depressed shell, and he appeared to even be losing weight. He was pale, almost like he was hollow. Was Hunk even eating at all?

Keith didn't stop.

Keith continued to march until he stopped. Not that he really made himself stop, his instinct ending the trek to his room. He knew where he was but he didn't dare look. You could say, fear, fear was holding him back. But that’s just one of the many, many things that are. He was scared, pained, and denying the fact that this was all happening.

Lance will be fine... You'll see him again.

Keith kept chanting that in his mind to prove that he wasn't in a critical state. He is going to survive, Lance has to survive - yet, Keith, he doubts it. He really, really doubts it.

He turned his head and looked at the name on the door.

Lance, Blue Paladin’s Room.

The tears didn't stop.

\--

I guess he was about as airheaded as the ‘space cadet’ catchphrase, because he was opening the door to lance’s room. The cold cool air rushing into Keith’s face and body, sending chills up his spine. He noticed that Lance’s bed was already made. Who would trouble themselves with that? Hunk?

Keith entered the room and filled his nose with that musk, that heavy colonel that Lance wore - the one Keith used to complain about. Keith couldn’t help but smell in the air, letting out a sigh with a slight smile on his face. His eyes closed as he was blessed with the wafting aroma in the room. He could sense the color blue with everything about it. The cold air, blue. The dark light, blue. The empty space, blue. The sound of laughing, blue. The forgetful emotions, Lance. Keith slowly opened his eyes and looked around the room, everything here, all of it, everything just seemed blue. And it wasn’t even all blue, it was all mostly white. So why... Keith looked down and was blank in everything. His expression, his emotions, his posture. Blank. Lance was blue - Keith was red. They complimented each other color wise, now take the blue out of the sky. That’s exactly how Keith feels - he feels empty.

His eyes flickered up and found a familiar jacket, something that Lance was known for. The muted green jacket, with an orange strip on both the sleeves. The White hoodie, and even the strangely sewn pockets. Keith smirked at the sight of it hanging on a coat rack, so pleasant to take in. He looked down at himself and saw the red jacket he wore, cropped to a halt when it reached his ribs. The white stripe going down his sleeve. The feeling was comfortable, and efficient, but how would his feel. Baggy? Warm? Safe…?

No, it’s wrong to just rummage through all of his stuff. Let alone enter it. I should leave. I should have never entered here. It just made me feel worse.

Keith began to turn away from the jacket, the room, and vacate the premises at once, but he stopped. taking one last look at that Jacket, he sucked in a sharp breath.

\--

Lance sat down on the only couch Keith had, the comfortable spot making sore muscles cry with relief. He kicked his feet up on the coffee table in front of him with his arms spread out on top of the sofa. He looked around the house amazed at it’s craftsmanship. Keith came walking by and frowned at the dirty feet on his only good table.

“Can you please not do that? Especially since this is my house, and that's my table.” Keith said.

“Can't I relax for one second? I just wanted to kick my feet up!” Lance stood to face Keith head on in their argument. The two continued to combat each other with their words and didn't think about the sleeping beauty in the next room. Unfortunately, he was waking up. Shiro woke up after the sedative wore off. He wore his prisoner clothing and groggily walked into the ruckus the two polar opposites made.

“Hey... Where am I?” Shiro held his head with his robotic arm as the two noticed he was awake and walking. Keith quickly left Lance behind and went to aid Shiro, and Lance basically did the same since Keith was doing it. Keith couldn't stand it! Lance just always had to try and one up him, Keith wasn't even doing anything, he just wanted to help Shiro. He was beginning to think of how much they’d never get along. Lance was right, they really were neck and neck.

“You're safe now, I’ll get you a change of clothes to wear–”

“Are you okay? Need water or anything?” Lance interrupted Keith just before he was about to ask the same thing. Keith growled at the smirk Lance held, which only resulted in Keith’s expression showing more anger. Shiro shook his head and stood on his own.

“No, I just need to get out of these clothes...” His strained voice began to cry out, his face crumpling up. “Maybe some food would be great...”

“Don't worry, I can cook!” Lance offers, but more like shouts. Glee dancing in those sea blue eyes, so much life and light to them.

“I'll get your clothes, if you want to rest more–” Shiro patted Keith’s shoulder and smiled.

“No I'm fine, don't worry about me, worry about what he’ll do to your kitchen...” Shiro looked over as a loud noise of crashing pots and pans fell. Keith flinched and groaned, he slapped his palm to his face. Shiro quickly left the two before things got really, really messy.

“What are you doing to my house!?” Keith yelled.

“What does it look like!? I'm trying to cook my famous chili my grandma taught me! You kitchen doesn't have the right things at all!” Lance huffed like he was offended at this lack of… of what should be basic kitchen utilities!

“Maybe because I don't eat chili!!” Keith shouted back, anger causing his face to flush a crimson color. Lance really, really got under his skin like no other.

The two screamed at each other while they both began to cook food, Lance would simmer the water and cook the beans, while Keith would chop the peppers and tomatoes. Lance always commented on Keith’s “form” while cooking and complain how he’s doing it so wrong. (What is this, a sport?!) Keith would complain how he’s ruining his kitchen by spilling and dropping a things like rags, splashing water everywhere, sending random spices about… and the like. When it came to the time of cutting the onions, they both decided they’d do it at the same time. They would complain about each other, saying things like ‘Keith, you're such– sniff– a baby! Crying over– sniff– an onion!?’ Or ‘Lance you're crying too! Sniff sniff– Just finish doing what you're doing!’. They were bickering throughout the whole process as well, be it onions or how loud Keith was breathing. There was no way they would get along. But then again, Lance would toss in a good insult to Keith and he would actually laugh. It wasn't a joke, but because it was actually good. It was funny in a way, and despite wanting to murder each other, it kind of felt… like they were bonding.

After all of that they ate about 1/4 of what they made. Hunk would comment how amazing it tasted. And Pidge and Shiro would eat in silence, Lance would brag about how his grandma made better chili and how she was the best. Keith didn't eat much, he really didn't eat chili. But he smiled, he flinched as he noticed Lance’s smile, his heart throbbed. He stopped and turned around clutching his chest. And looked back at Lance. It was probably nothing...

Definitely nothing.

Though it was kind of cute, and this only made Keith blush like an embarrassed two year old, caught in the act of stealing a cookie.

\--

Keith took a deep breath and walked towards the jacket, he pulled his behind him and let it fall, being able to catch it before the floor did. He set his jacket down on Lance’s bed and reached for the other, larger one before him. He took it off the rack and paused. Was this really okay? Wearing someone else’s clothes without them knowing? That didn't seem right, Keith hesitated before sighing and reaching for the jacket, hesitant and slightly embarrassed. He frowned and looked at his hands. He felt a pain that grew deeper in his chest, it didn't feel right. Leaving his room, forgetting everything. Imagining him never, ever waking up…

It was all too much.

Keith flinched and quickly turned back to the coat, He grabbed it again and groaned. Was he really gonna do it? He opened the jacket smelling the same cologne, feeling the same aura. He slipped one arm through the jacket arm, and then the other. Thinking it would be cold, he was pleasantly surprised. It was warmer than he thought, much more comfortable than it looked. He slipped it on entirely, before he went and examined his body in the baggy clothing item. Grinning, he went to locate a mirror; he was Lance, he had to have a mirror. He came across the mirror and then noticed that he looked pretty damn good in the jacket. It didn't suit him as much as the other one did, but it certainly did him justice.

Leaving to the bed to find his original jacket, he stopped in his tracks and began to feel his heart fall. He slowly lifted the sleeves of the jacket and pressed them against his face into his hands. The long sleeves were just a little bit longer and sagged around his limbs. He took a deep breath in and then out, waiting, keith stared at his palms. What if Lance really didn't wake up? Who would have his things? Keith’s eyes began to widen when he remembered.

Lance has a family...

He winced as tears welled up in his eyes, someone would have to tell them the news right? They have to know, instead of wonder and wait for... No one. For a dead teenage boy that Keith failed to save. He frowned hugging himself as if the jacket he wore was Lance. Solemnly, walking to the blue bedding. He sat down and then turned to lay down. On his side, he stopped and closed his eyes.

I'm losing you. I don't want to lose you…

Keith’s face began to soften as he was drifting away to a deep, deep slumber, tears falling from his eyes. His mind ran rampant, and his heart was pounding against his rib cage, akin to someone else. To someone under a blue light, trying to repair the damage to his body.

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written by KeybladeMasterPhantom047 and Edited by SBK - everything_Klance
> 
> http://archiveofourown.org/users/SBK/pseuds/SBK
> 
> http://archiveofourown.org/users/KeybladeMasterPhantom047/pseuds/KeybladeMasterPhantom047
> 
> Losing You - Aquilo (Part 2/2)


	3. Together?

Hunk’s feet have carried him places before, usually something to do with food, but this time he finds himself standing outside Lance’s door. It's closed, and Hunk is mortified at the thought of invading his best bros privacy. Curiosity over morals, he supposes, because the next minute he's inside the abandoned room. It's freezing in here, and Hunk shivers. Really, Lance? 

Not like Lance is really here to do much about the current situation at hand, but oh well. 

Hunk’s only intention was to look around and then leave, not make the blue paladin’s bed but… it was a mess! Cut him some slack, besides Lance is… sorta in dream land anyway, it's not like he can particularly mind right now anyway. 

Ripping the blankets off the mattress, the yellow paladin sets to work - tucking the baby blue sheets into each corner of the bed. Making sure to then place the rather large, fluffy quilt atop it, fluffing Lance’s pillows, and setting them neatly on the beautifully made sleeping zone. 

Hunk ends up smiling faintly, the curse of memories crawling up his spine and into his brain. 

 

\---

 

“Lance we’re going to be late for the garrison's initiation.” Hunk groans, foot tapping up and down vigorously, standing in his “cadet in training” clothes. Lance’s mom is this sweet, humble lady that’s always let Hunk in without a second thought, the excuse being “you can get him up faster than I can.” Which is true, and is also entirely why Hunk is here. 

See, Hunk’s a nice guy, and he puts up with a lot, but sometimes Lance is too much. So, being smart about it, the yellow paladin set Lance’s alarms two hours ahead. It was quite the show, watching Lance flail across the room, shouting varied Hunk, why didn't you wake me up sooner?!?!?!

Currently, said yellow paladin, is in this middle of the Cuban boy’s room, waiting for Lance to hurry up and leave that damn bathroom so they can go on their merry little way. And God, Lance’s room is always such a mess, and his inner OCD father like side is blossoming into a furious flower that cannot be tamed. 

Hunk starts ripping blankets off of beds, shoving weird transformers into the alleged “toy bin” because no one is too old for that apparently. He snags random, empty pizza boxes and soda bottles, throwing them all into a random trash bag lying around. Probably Lance’s mother trying to get the laziest boy on Earth to clean up his own mess, which probably didn't happen. But Hunk can't just… stand around and let this disaster continue to plague his best bro’s life. 

Lance finally opens the bathroom door, revealing his beautifully articulated form that he spent approximately an hour and a half on, before adding the finishing details, making the two hours certainly worthwhile, except now they really needed to get going or it'd all be in vain. Hunk tosses the garbage bag to the side, ditching the half clean room - Hunk will return after all. We all know it. Either way, his bigger hand clasps around Lance’s, and they’re flying out of the house. 

“I- Hunk slow down! I didn't eat breakfast!!! How am i supposed to be at optimum performance?!” Lance whines, stumbling over his own feet as he struggles to keep pace with the other. Hunk isn't slowing this train anytime soon, and eventually they end up on the shuttle to the Garrison. 

“Lance,” Hunk starts, “I have money for food for a reason. I'm not going to starve you - but this isn't your weird, asian cartoons. I'm not having you run here with toast lodged in between your teeth.” 

“A classic.” Lance responds, an all too wide grin plastered on his face, and Hunk slaps his own palm against his forehead. 

 

\---

 

Hunk finds himself picking little things up, from a pair of socks, to the weirdly large sum of beauty products that magically get produced from thin air. That's Lance for you, and Hunk can't really complain. Once the room is in perfect order, the yellow paladin supposes this is an equal trade for the snooping he is about to engage in. 

Hunk opens one of the high tech, altean drawers. In it are a couple alien CDs, and a photo of everyone - including Keith surprisingly. Hunk picks it up carefully, examining it some more. The simple black frame is highlighted by the blue glow of the picture itself, plus the added, clear tears. They soak into the screen.

Hunk smiles some, before gently setting it back inside the drawer and closing it with a whoosh. Man, Lance really needs to wake up soon. At this rate, Hunk is going to die from a never ending abyss of loneliness. 

The yellow paladin leaves the room, letting the door slide down and shut behind him. Lance should really lock it, in order to prevent Hunk from doing what he just did - or another paladin snooping around and blackmailing Lance into waking up. Darn, Hunk should've thought of that one. 

Exploring the castle some more, Hunk looses himself in his thoughts. Reminiscing about all the two of them have been through, and then some. From flinging ice cream onto their chemistry teacher, to eating edibles on accident. Hunk witnessed Lance die that day, and they both swore to never go near another drug ever again - those things were scary and quite the scarring experience. 

Hunk laughs under his breath, and before long finds himself standing outside of the medical bay's door, hesitant to really enter. Lance is in there. Lance isn't waking up, and Hunk will be faced with that reality if he dare pushes forth. 

The yellow paladin enters the room with a woosh from the castle’s air conditioning, and he tenses at the sight of his friend inside a healing pod. He stands for a few minutes alone, and then feels his cheeks begin to dampen. He feels surprised when he touches his cheek and feels the salty tears. Running down his face as if they're hurrying to escape his eyes. As soon as he noticed the droplets he then went into queue with them. His face cringed with emotional pain and he let out a sharp breath beginning his sobs. He looks to Lance’s encased body, gleaming under the blue light from the empty, colorless space outside. It was a dark room that hadn’t noticed Hunk’s presence. 

Shuffled steps behind Hunk startled him as he began to wipe his face and prepare a happier face than the one he had earlier. He turned around to see Keith’s mullet as It made its way closer. The red paladin had one hand sliding against the wall as it lead him to the healing chamber, where he wanted to go but wish he didn't. Hunk eyed his stance and chuckled seeing him in a different outfit than the one he normally wore. It wasn't Keith’s jacket, it was Lance’s. He must have forgotten to change out of it when he woke up from his nap. Keith noticed Hunk’s giggle and questioned him, then he looked down and saw the jacket. You could definitely see a color change in his face. From his normally pale skin, to a tomato red. Keith quickly tried to cover up his action by saying–

“I just wanted to see how his jacket would look and got on me! I'm not doing anything weird I promise!” He stuttered after a while of his excuses, while hunk shook his head in disbelief that Keith, the hot-headed emo teenager, had not only trespassed into Lance’s room, but put on the Jacket he always wore. Hunk had his suspicions but he didn’t imagine them to be actually true.

“Don’t worry, you don’t need to explain anything.” Keith stopped and then sighed noticing the blue colors coming from behind Hunk. “Did... Did you know where you were going? Or did you feet bring you here?” He asked. Keith looked up but then rejected eye contact with Hunk, his heart sinking. 

“Yeah...” He looked at the jacket that wrapped around his torso. “I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.” 

Hunk noticed Keith’s the reaction he had and sighed, he knew the reason why and he understood the reason. At least, he thinks he did. It was really something from perspective, Hunk was lead to believe that Keith, blamed him for Lance’s current situation. That it was his fault of crashing into Lance in the first place. The Yellow Lion was bigger and his had more armor so the crash would have been detrimental to the Blue Lion. Hunk was blaming everything on him and taking the weight, but, that had it’s toll. He wasn’t eating like he used to, and he wasn’t doing much training with the other recently. He was getting thin, pale and he was slouching. 

Keith’s reason for not being able to look into Hunk’s eyes, is solely because he thinks that he didn’t save Lance in time. He knew that Hunk, Lance and Pidge were close. He only remembered Lance because he was second in the training regiment. After meeting him when he was saving Shiro, all he received were insults from him which really annoyed him.

“Whatever it is, it’s probably Keith’s fault.” 

It was his fault, he was too late, Keith is the one to blame. He was slow in water and he was the one who found him too little, too late. 

“Do....” Hunk’s voice snapped Keith back down to wherever in space they were and was given full attention. “Do you want to see him?” Hunk suggested. Keith looked up and stared behind Hunk, eyeing the blurry blue pod, hesitant at going to see his sleeping face knowing he’d probably cry because he missed his smile. But nonetheless, he wanted to see him. Even if his eyes wouldn't be able to see anything because of the tears. Seeing nothing but the silhouette of Lance and the glowing color he emits.

“... I- yeah, I do...” Hunk noticed the way Keith’s response was a little unsure and seemed determined in a way. He gave Keith a reassuring smile and stepped to the side the let Keith walk in. He was frozen, and the color slowly began to drain from his face. The shine in his eyes were glowing before he blinked and they disappeared. 

C’mon Keith...

He began walking but stopped at the doorway to look at Hunk. 

“Together?” 

“Together.”

Taking one step in the room lit up with it’s lights and blinded the two paladins. They both stared in front of them, they felt their heart sink and their throat close from emotions. Their best friend. The friend they both deeply cared for and loved. The person who would actually put a smile on their faces at times and would be one of the genuinely loving hearts in the team. 

They both walked forward to the Sleeping Beauty slowly and taking time with step. Hoping that by the time they reach him, Lance would miraculously wake up and fall into their arms. It wasn't smart to even think of such a false hope, it wasn't going to happen. They were sorely disappointed when they reached Lance, seeing him sleep soundly and safely.

What were they even expecting? For everything to fall into their favor? What a load of bullshit. Keith is thoroughly disappointed, doing his best to suck up that sad, curling feeling in the pits of his chest. Hunk does his best to bite back his tears, hands pushing into his pockets. He feels uncomfortable, strangely hot. Like his entire being is on fire, specifically the core of him. It takes all he can not to start raging, punching, screaming, yelling. He wants to rip his hair out of his head, wants to kick the stupid healing pods, wants to kick Lance for abandoning him here, here on this ship full of alien and- 

“Hunk.” Keith says, a hand cautiously rubbing the back of his head. “Hunk we can do this.” Keith places a hand on the other, more beefier of the twos shoulder. “We can do this, we will do this. Together, for Lance.” Keith lets out a sigh, tilting his head back. 

“We’ll do this. We have to.” 

 

\--- 

 

Pidge has magic flowing through their veins, there is no other way that, that kid magically got the radio to tune into Earth’s satellite. Except, he did, and Lance was taking full advantage of it. One rule though, the radio could only be used while dishes were to be done, enforced by none other than the grand Coran and Allura. 

So, the paladins were all stacked in the kitchen. Lance was scrubbing the various plates, bowls, and pans clean from this week's gourmet meal. Shiro was drying them off, of course, despite having all this alienware they did not think of installing a damn dishwasher. Their own loss, Lance supposes. Though this really does, make his life ten times harder than it really needs to be. Pidge was sitting at the table, coding something or another, and Hunk was sweeping the dirtied floor. Lance had full access to the radio. 

The thing played various songs, Shakira, terrible country music that everyone groaned when it started up. 

And then Drop the Mambo, by Diva Carmina started blasting through the castle’s castle. Lance started by swinging his hips, then he was full blown dancing. And damn could he swing. Doing classic Cha Cha moves, throwing his head back dramatically. He looked like a professional, and Keith really shouldn’t have waltzed in here from the training area. Lance tapped his foot, before more or less, shoving Shiro out of the way, where he proceeded to just… have a good time. He was laughing, a smile plastered onto his face. His arms were at his sides, and he was going in right, then left, snapping to the beat. Then as it entered the opera parts, he raised his hands in the air, and literally swung his ass around. 

Keith was not staring, there was no way in hell he would stare at such a glorious, round, grabable toosh. Lance did not seem to mind, and as the song changed he still kept going. The transition into the next song was amazing. The way he seemed to know the song by heart, easily adapting to the beat, the song was American Boy, Feat Kanye West, and Lance made that song genuinely good. Slowly dragging his hands up his thighs, wiggling his eyebrows in an embarrassing display towards Keith. 

Keith had been spotted, and mullet man felt his face heat up like the sun. Cheeks exploding a beautiful, colorful display of different reds. Mostly in his cheeks, but definitely shading his neck and chest. 

Lance mouthed the “You’ll be my American boy.” Towards Keith, before moreorless grinding on nothing. This was extremely sexual, why wasn’t anyone doing anything?! Shiro was clapping, and Hunk was laughing, covering his face in second hand embarrassment. Pidge was tapping their fingernail on the table, laughing under their breath. 

Lance was a miracle child, a prodigy in the making. Keith wonders, staring at the Cuban boy before him. Had Lance chosen a different path way, like dance or music - (don’t tell anyone, but Lance can really sing.) Then maybe, just maybe, he would not currently be trapped in a healing pod, in a gloomy room, with nothing but the sound of water keeping him company. 

Yeah, they messed up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We made a tumblr guys that is pure voltron and Klance!  
> https://everything-klance-220.tumblr.com/  
> Check it out and follow us!


	4. Blame

Shiro finds himself stumbling through the castle, grief wracking his body. The tiles of the floor blur together, like a billion shades of one color, that had been sloppily strewn about a canvas. Shiro had been through a lot, being kidnapped, having a limb replaced with something foreign, dangerous, something Galra. Yet, something was different with this most recent tragedy, his strength and composer were cracking in on itself. His attitude hasn't been entirely normal, like something was off. His mental health was crashing, like a broken computer. It started with the little things, like someone might breathe too loudly and he’d find himself getting irritated. Or someone would drop something, and the crashing noise would cause his ears to ring, and he’d have to excuse himself as he found his frustration increasing. He started to lose his temper far too fast, and he’d find himself doing his best to apologize to the person who was unlucky enough to receive his bared teeth. 

Shiro’s foot scraped along the floor, bringing his mind back to reality. A place where he did not want to end up. Because it meant that Voltron was at a disadvantage. It meant that the universe wasn't safe and it was his job to keep it them together, lead them and make sure that they were safe. It was a reality, a world that was real. Lance wasn’t waking up, it was a reality with a broken family. If only we got to Lance sooner– no if only he got to Lance sooner. Keith was the one who found him but by the time he got to him, he wasn’t even breathing! Let alone barely clinging to life. 

Shiro’s felt useless, everyone has before. It’s almost like, if you don’t then you probably won’t have the chance to grow. But when he breaks into his attacks, when he enters a frenzy. Panic coursing through his veins, hands covering his ear, sweat trickling down his forehead. Especially at times when Voltron needs him to be there, and he physically and mentally can’t be… That’s a type of uselessness no one should ever be subjected to, and if they are, well… Shiro knows it’s family and a warm, happy home that will cure that one up fast. The voices of someone 

This was the final straw, or at least that’s how it felt. 

Shiro hadn’t been himself, to say in the least. But no one really had been, how could they be? Lance was… well, he was almost like a glue. Despite being annoying, and irritating- overall troublesome… it was just… he was Lance. Finger guns, stupid winks, pathetic pickup lines… he was Lance McClain, everyone knew it too. If someone didn’t, they quickly learned. 

That was Lance for you.

So, Shiro was on a hunt. He already knew he couldn’t confide in just anyone, he had to find someone that wasn’t… attached to Lance, and yet someone who could also share with the ache of losing someone that you love - especially like family. Nothing comes in between family, specifically one that belongs to Voltron. Shiro found himself, crashing clumsily through the castle in search of Allura. Pidge was a good candidate, sure, but Pidge had their own problems, like Matt - and on top of Matt, now Lance. No offense, but everyone else… they were simply kids. Everyone was simply here because they didn’t have much of a choice anyway, and it was almost unfair. 

Lance was a kid. Lance was like Shiro’s kid, like family. No, not like. They were family, everyone was family to Shiro, and losing Lance felt like losing a son. Nothing could compare to the festering pain that was bubbling in his chest. On his search for Allura, presumably to pour his entire soul out before her and hope for the best results, he found himself running into Coran. A simple lad, running around and doing his best to care for his falling apart paladins. Coran quickly noticed Shiro’s distress and immediately rushed to his aid. 

“Shiro? What is the matter?” He spoke in his English yet alien accent. Coran found Shiro slumped against a wall, holding his head as sweat trickled down his neck. Coran grabbed Shiro by his metallic arm and helped him stand straight. A painful grin spread across Shiro’s lips as he began to stand. 

“Thanks Coran, I lost my footing there. Do you by chance know where Allura is?” Shiro paused to think about his choice. Allura is possible to sympathize to poor Shiro but, did Coran have a family?

“I saw Allura and young Pidge talking earlier. Is everything alright?” He asked. 

“Coran, did–” What if Coran had a huge family? What if he had grandchildren? What if he had parents and was a parent himself? Shiro would be invading a topic that no one knew. Would Coran even want to talk about it? Would–

“Shiro, do you need to talk about something?” Yes, yes he does. Shiro stopped and stared into Coran’s eyes. Pleading with them, trying to get a message across that he needed to vent his emotions out. He has them blocked and locked inside because saving the universe is more important than being frustrated with how much Lance and Keith fight– well, used to fight. He began to look away towards the ground sighing almost in defeat. 

“That is much needed...” 

\--

Coran and Shiro found a spot to sit down in silence until it a little while when a more comfortable atmosphere was around them. No one really bonded with Coran. Maybe Princess Allura did but not many of the other paladins would bond emotionally to Coran. I guess now, Shiro was going to change that. 

“Did... Did you ever have a family? Before you fell asleep with the Princess?” It was a hard topic to touch on considering the amount of shock that Coran’s face wore. Coran looked over at Shiro.

“We all came from somewhere, right?” Coran said. Shiro quickly looked up and stared into Coran’s eyes. He shouldn’t have asked.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that--” 

“No, it’s alright. I wouldn’t worry about it.” Coran began relaxing as he sat down. “I had two beautiful children. A strong healthy boy who took care of his younger sister. Now that I think about it, they both remind me of Lance and Keith.” Coran chuckled to himself and smiled but behind this smile, it wasn’t happiness. It wasn’t a smile that you would see after Lance threw his stupid pick-up lines. Or after Hunk randomly woke himself up snoring. This one was pained, reminiscing on the lost lives that Coran loved and lost. He looked up at Shiro to read further into the paladin’s inner torment. 

“This is about you relationship with the others isn't it?” he asked. Now it was time for Shiro to talk. 

“They're kids Coran. Lance had a huge family didn't he? And now he’s in a coma because of–” Pausing Shiro glances at Coran. “... Keith...”

\--

Racing towards the ship in the Red Lion, Keith held Lance on his lap as he pressed towards the castle. Still soaked, Lance laid unconscious, breathing erratic and shallow. His body shiver in Keith’s lap; everyone followed behind. Shiro kept a call going towards Keith asking multiple questions too fast for Keith to answer any. And even though Keith could hear every single word, he didn't process any of it. 

Don't you let go Lance... 

Shiro noticed Keith’s silence and focus on the journey back. Frustrated, he growled and closed the call going to home base to Princess Allura.

“Princess! Keith found Lance floating in the water with a damaged helmet. We think he might have drowned–” the color drained from his face with those words. The situation began to feel more real and more sudden. “... Prepare the infirmary immediately!” he closed the call as Allura and Coran went to action, not asking any questions. 

When Keith landed inside the hangar, he tossed his helmet off and picked Lance up. He positioned Lance on his back and began to run. The lion opened his mouth showing Keith running as fast as he can with the extra weight. Shiro came running along hearing Pidge and Hunk while they tried to bring the blue Lion back with them. Shiro looked at Lance while running see a little drop of blood drying on his nose. He cringed and looked away feeling his insides tear apart. His heart sinking and sinking as tear jerking pit formed in his gut. Allura had the healing pod opened and ready for Lance. 

“We should take his armor off before entering the pod–” 

“We don't have time for that Princess!” Shiro yelled. He took Lance off of Keith and carried him to the pod. Standing him in the pod it closed and began its process. Once his vitals were cleared, Shiro released a deep breath he didn't know he was holding. He sighed with relief knowing that he was at least alive. 

“... That's odd...” Coran began to make to himself and press buttons until he understood. He looked over at Keith we stood staring at Lance’s sleeping face in the pod. Nothing registering in his mind while words entered his head he didn't understand and forgot them quickly. If it wasn't Lance talking, he wouldn't have understood. Not even the loud noise of Pidge and Hunk running into the room, screaming questions and and demanding answers. Not in the comedic type. Pidge and Hunk were both crying, shaken by the fear that was Lance, not surviving. Allura felt tears welling in her eyes as she tried to hide he sobs. Shiro comforted Allura feeling his own heart string being tugged at. But he didn't cry. He was more furious than sad. He looked to Coran and nodded, signaling the bad news. 

“I’m afraid our dear Lance...” Keith took his eyes off of Lance to look at Coran, be glanced back at Lance hoping that he would wake up, make sure he would if he looked back; wishing he would. “... Lance has fallen into what you Earthlings call, a coma, the readings say that they do not know... If he'll wake up.” He finished. Everything went quiet. No one spoke. Not one word, or sniff or breath was taken. Until Keith stepped toward Coran. 

“.... If...?” he asked. The blood from everyone’s faces drained once Coran nodded. Keith collapsed to the ground, defeated and heartbroken. Shiro turned around and looked to Keith. He walked over and crouched. 

“... I'm sorry Shiro, it's all my fault... I didn't find him on time...” Keith added. 

“Its...” Shiro let his breath out not arguing against Keith because for him, it was Keith’s fault. Keith and Hunk’s. Hunk was the one who crashed into Lance causing his helmet to crack. Keith was the one who found him too little too late. Shiro stands and walks away, and continues to comfort Allura and Pidge. He looks to Coran with a saddened face. 

“If anything should happen while he’s asleep, find me, Hunk and Keith need to think about what they've done.”

\--

Shiro sighed and looked at Coran. 

“If Lance dies... “ Shiro choked on his words. “... It would be Keith’s and Hunk fault.” Coran’s eyes widened as he began to see what was wrong with Shiro. Blame for losing his ‘son’.

It was normal, a parent to place the blame on other people, especially when it was such a drastic and tragic thing. Coran new, new that Shiro didn't believe that deep down… but…

He placed a shaky hand on the leader’s shoulder, giving a light squeeze.

\--

Keith was the last to arrive at the center of the castle since Allura and Pidge called everyone to the center. The door slid open for Keith as he looked around. He noticed that the number was missing one and was about to ask out of habit before he remembered. He furrowed his eyebrows and looked down. 

After Keith walked in, Pidge looked to Allura who smiled and nodded. Pidge walked forward holding their laptop. Opening the electronic, they took in a breath and let it out.

“I have an idea. Yesterday, I was in the infirmary and noticed that Lance’s brain was lagging, it was abnormal. Regularly for someone in comatose like state, their brain would be doing a lot more. I looked it up and apparently the pod stopped the brain functions causing his brain to slow down, going at an abnormally slow rate. His body is fine and healed but his brain isn’t healing because the pod is stopping that.” Pidge looked to Allura and Shiro since they were the ones in charge. 

“So then, he won’t ever wake up?” Keith asked with immense fear behind those words. Shiro felt a little anger rise in him with Keith’s question and because Keith asked it, had it been anyone else... Pidge paused with the question, debating their answer carefully.

“I believe he would, but it would be very, very slow. Normal comatose patients would be able to recover from several days to several weeks, and comparing to the amount of time in the pod,” Pidge started tapping on their computer ferociously, before widening their eyes. Keith’s heart skipped a beat. 

“How long...?” Hunk was scared to ask the question himself.

“Several years...” Everyone stopped. Allura and Pidge looked at each other and then to Shiro.

“We don’t have that time to spare for the universe.” Shiro said. “What can we do to speed the process?” Shiro felt his teeth sink into his bottom lip, this is about as stressful as it can possibly get.

Pidge sighed and pulled out some cord. Red blue and white cords tangled in their hands. Their fingers had a slight tremble, hoping that they wouldn't push for more answers… but...

“We have a few options...We could hook him to my computer so we can keep an eye on his vital and keep him on life support and see if he’ll wake up. The problem is, that could still take several years. The first twenty four hours are the most important- or...” Pidge’s face began to turn red as they blushed looking at Keith then to Shiro.

“...Or we could find a new Blue Paladin...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We were pretty lazy with this.... so I mean.... Heh.....


	5. Bonding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Say you won't let go - James Arthur

Have you ever heard Hunk and Shiro scream so high, specifically on a roller coaster you actually thought was definitely going to be fun? Not at all that bad? Well, Pidge was laughing their ass off hearing them. It makes sense since he always almost pukes at any sudden rush, or in any sort of man made contraption - including alien contraptions as well. Pidge had always thought faces only turn green, or different colors in cartoons, but Shiro’s face is definitely greener than his normal skin color. This was a weird way to ‘bond’ especially to an alien, like Coran, laughing at someone else’s misery. It looked like they were suffering, honestly, how was that at all a humorous display? It was strange to Coran, because on the battlefield they were generally worried about one another - if their shouts of each other’s names have to say anything.     
  


Everyone was, for lack of a better word, surprised. Allura did not seem like the type to agreed to Coran’s seemingly pointless charades. The one who was mostly excited was of course, Lance and Pidge. Hunk wasn’t, he asked if he could opt out of this ‘training exercise’. 

 

“C’mon Hunk! It was fun the last time you went on a roller coaster, wasn’t it?” He asked while the back of his hand slapped the big guy’s arm. He grabbed his gut feeling it unsettle and twist at the thought of the steepest roller coaster Lance made him ride. The drop was quote: Beyond Vertical, 116 degree drop! Ride the  _ Tall Death  _ now! Hunk protested in the line the whole time. Before they knew the word  _ quiznack _ , Hunk expressed his thoughts very,  _ very,  _ verbally. Cursing every step closer to sitting on the front row of the roller coaster. 

 

Of course Lance would make him sit in the front, back when they were on Earth. Back when life was simpler, and it was all about how much cotton candy you could eat at once. Back one purple aliens with equally purple skin didn’t even  _ exist!  _ Back when Lance and his younger siblings that were like, 10, were all ecstatic. All enthusiasm, all about how hard someone could laugh. Or that time Lance shot milk out of his nose, and it caused the others to erupt in giggles. 

 

Hunk still hates every second of this though, nails digging into his palms as he gulps around an impossibly big lump in his throat. It really is the end of the world, he’s going to die here. He’ll throw up all his organs, and that will be the end of Hunk. Lance smiled and turned to Keith and mocked how he wouldn't last a second one on the biggest roller coaster. Nevermind the fact that this was a planet built for literal  _ giants.  _ Still, there was definitely no way Hunk was going to survive. Maybe if there was a calm sky line ride? Nah, those still scare him to literal death, but it would be much better than something with the word  _ death  _ in the name. Let alone,  _ Tall Death. _ Jesus Christ Lance definitely has a deathwish, there is no other way to explain his actions. 

 

Since Lance was there, it was before the time of Lance’s coma. A more peaceful time. 

 

\--

 

As the paladins all came together to meet at the bridge, Lance and Keith bumped into each other walking through the door. Keith didn’t say anything since his expression was very clear. He wasn’t happy to be knocked off balance from Lance. And as the drama king groaned and started to complain and bicker with Keith, Coran came and hushed both paladins. Coran eyeing both with no amusement whatsoever, covered both Lance’s and Keith’s mouths having all of the attention in the room turn to him. 

 

“Now, I know you paladins love to bicker but this time, I would like it if you would shut up for a while.” The two groan, glaring into each other’s skulls; if looks could kill. Lance and Keith both folded their arms and stood with their backs facing each other. Shiro sighed and quietly smiled at their childish behavior. They were so faking that.

 

“The reason that I have called you all here today, is that there is a planet nearby which has, what I believe to be, a perfect bonding training; it’s sorely needed...” He glares at Lance and Keith. “So I’m going to put you into pairs with me as the exception since we have an odd number of people.” At the same time Lance and Keith flinched, oh they  _ knew _ what Coran had in mind. They knew and didn’t want it to be true. 

 

“So Princess Allura will be joining us?” Shiro asked. Allura smiled and nodded. 

 

“Wouldn’t that be, I don’t know, kinda dangerous because Allura is the princess? She’d get recognized really fast.” Hunk said.

 

“That’s true, she would be too valuable to bring with us.” Shiro stated. Allura scoffed and came stepping down from the captain wheel. 

 

“I’ll be fine guys, I’ll be with one of you.” She stood in her perfect posture holding her hands in front of her. Lance slid in right next to her.

 

“She should be kept safe with me I can protected her better than Keith.” Keith scoffed. “Don’t worry Princess, you be safe with me.” He grabbed her hand and bent down to kiss the back of her hand. Coran grabbed his face before he did and shoved him back to where Keith was. He thought that he was clear of being paired up with Keith. He thought he was safe. 

 

“I’m sorry Lance, but you are going to be with Keith the whole day today. No exceptions.” They both groaned.

 

“No! Coran please! Not Keith! Pair me with Shiro or Pidge or Hunk! But not Keeeeeeeiiiiiith!!” His complaining was loud in Coran’s ear with made him want to pair him with someone else but Pidge in the back raised their fist and a comical shine in their glasses.

 

“Stay strong Coran!” 

 

\--

 

In the end, Lance was pouting and mocking everything that Keith said even if it wasn’t directed towards him. Even though it really annoyed him, he actually didn’t mind it too much. It was fucking adorable. (“A pilot better than you” “I know you are but what am I?” “Thank you” “wait....”) Shiro was paired with Hunk while Pidge and Allura were paired together. Coran would be checking in on the groups via communicators and cameras that he had access to. His main concern was Keith and Lance, considering that they would fight at every glance they took. The others wouldn't look so worried about their constant bickering. No one would stop it. 

 

Once they arrived at the designated planet and the location both Pidge and Lance got really excited which made Hunk glad he wasn't pair with either of the two. Keith shrugged it off sing he was okay around these huge contraptions; he was the best pilot in his class after all. However Shiro, he seemed nervous. He didn't seem sure of this idea. He was hesitant with Hunk on being here, at an Amusement park full of huge roller coasters and screams of other aliens. 

 

“Coran, is this really training? I'm a little skeptical about this.”

 

“Of course Shiro, sharing laughs and thrills together will bring each of you closer.” Coran said. Shiro was a good sport and smiled, but he didn’t seem all to excited. 

 

\--

 

“Just so you know, Keith, The first roller coaster I’ve ever rode, I knew I was going to be the best pilot.”

 

“Except you weren’t the best pilot; I was.” He said pointing a thumb towards himself. Lance smacked his hand down and fold his arms over his chest.

 

“Not until you got kicked out of the Garrison.” Keith took in a harsh breath and pouted at Lance. Was it cute?  _ Yes it fucking was! _ Lance groaned and looked away before his face could reveal how red it has turned. Lance almost slipped up, he almost just gave everything away. He turned back to Keith resisting eye contact trying to look for ride to scream on. Until his eyes landed on one. 

 

“Hey Keith, you hate roller coaster don’t you?”

 

“No-”

 

“Then let’s ride that one.” His finger raises and points to one that was tall and filled with loops and drops and twists and sharp turns. It was red and blue colored and had a huge tower that could easily be higher than any roller coaster on Earth. At least from what he can remember. His face went just slightly pale watching a car roll straight down and twist. He gulped down seeing it suddenly curve up and go into two loops and then zip into twist. Keith looked to Lance and pointed to the coaster.

 

“That one....?” Lance was  _ very _ quick-witted since he retorted immediately, smirking with a raise eyebrow, silently goading Keith on.

 

“You scared?” 

 

“No!” Lance then grabbed his hand and began to run to the roller coaster. Keith was being rugged until he managed to catch up to Lance’s long strides. Even as he kept up with Lance, They still held hands. They didn’t really need to, since they were running side by side of each other, but their hands were gripping each other’s; refusing to let go. It felt weird to them both and they knew it, but they keep rejecting the idea of letting go. Was it the way his gloved hand felt against his clammy hands? Or the way they latched on to each other, scared they’d lose each other in the alien crowd and never find each other. At that thought Keith gripped a little harder, blushing and a little concerned that Lance would catch on. 

 

Of course he caught on, but he was so oblivious to it that he pushed it out of his mind because he thought that Keith was just trying to break his knuckles. Even if it was Keith trying to break his hand, Lance didn’t squeeze back. He didn’t think he had to. Keith’s grip was secure and it would be able to part with Lance’s. He didn’t feel like he should, Keith’s strength made Lance feel safe, protected and unthreatened. He liked that. It was nice. Yet the grip was too strong and it hurt his hand but he didn’t want to stretch his hand. He didn’t want Keith to let go and get the wrong idea that he wanted to let go. 

 

On the other  _ hand _ , (haha) he was bombarded with an unrelenting, and new kind of fear. One he didn’t think was possible. He was scared of Lance. Scared he would let go. No, Lance wouldn’t, but Keith didn’t know. It was a nagging thought Keith had.

 

_ Lance is going to let go. I don’t want him to, but he’s going to. _

 

Amazingly, they didn’t let go. Even when they reached the long line. They held on to each other for a while, at least until they both noticed that they were holding hands again. 

 

They both looked down and saw their hands clenched together. Looking back at the other, they both found red in their face and let go.  _ Very fast.  _ Lance could feel the adrenaline pumping through him, his nails digging into his palms. He was sure he was going to die. 

  
Keith’s lips upturned into a small, content smile. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're gonna try to keep a regular schedule, so watch out!!
> 
> We are also adding a soundtrack, two song to listen to while you read, notes at the top ^^


	6. Useless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Found - Amber Run

“Pull the plug?!” Keith shouted at the wall, arm tossed over his forehead. They all must be crazy! Keith isn’t going to give up on lance, and neither should they. How could they suggest such a thing anyway, that’s so… so absurd it’s. Keith rolls over, stuffs his pillow in between his teeth and lets out a muffled scream. Keith has grown up his entire life without a family - what family he did have, he’s only ever met in his dreams. How could they give up on a member of their current family so easily?! Especially when… he’s fighting his hardest. It’s so unfair. 

 

Before Keith can truly realize it, the tears are gushing down his cheeks. Big, fat, watery things. He sobs into his pillow like a baby, clinging onto the sheets like they’ll magically fix all his problems. The ache in his chest, the tense, wails deep from in his throat… it hurts so bad. Not hearing Lance’s yells about being the best on the team - or clearly the right choice…. He opens his mouth, shaky sobs resonating from deep in his throat. Called from somewhere, deep inside the darkest crevices of his mind. After everything they’ve been through together, Lance dying would be a selfish act on all their parts. They’re all the only ones that can keep him alive, why kill that?! Why take away someone… someone’s life over… 

 

But can Keith blame them? 

 

Keith’s eyes widen, tears still forcing their way down his face. But are they wrong to suggest it, to say they should find a new blue paladin? No, they’re not wrong at all. They have a universe to save, if they don’t defend it, then Lance won’t live either way. So… so it’s logical to pull the plug. It’s logical, and Keith… Keith has always been nothing but instinct, never about logic, he would never use logic. And certainly never to put his entire team against him over a stupid thing he’ll never understand. But… logically, is that really the way to go about all this? Lance is the last person he thought he’d ever do it for, and yet… The last thing he wants to do is hear a pained cry leave Hunk. The last thing he wants to do is watch his team crumble in on itself as they meet someone blue accepts _. _ The last thing he wants to do is watch Shiro beat himself up over yet another thing. The last thing he wants to do is watch Allura blame herself, as her wormhole failed them all. The last thing he wants to watch is Pidge staring off solemnly, among the stars, tears rolling down their cheeks as they realize what they’ve done. 

 

Let alone Lance’s giant family, how they probably have no idea where he is and how they’re all sorts of worried about him. About how he’s essentially everything to them, because Lance is…. Lance is…. 

 

Lance is the glue that keeps them together. 

 

\--- 

 

The first thing Lance feels is oddly cold, the next is a feeling of raw fear. Is he… dead? There’s water all around him, he’s entirely been submerged by it. Is he still drowning? It’s pitch black, and he can’t breathe at all. The last thing he remembers is Hunk, the eyes of defeat above him, a sad smile on his face as if to say ‘it’s a pleasure to die with you.’ But, Lance is all alone. Thrashing, or doing his best to, he tries to grasp onto the threads of life. Do they even exist? Is God not real, and the second you die you’re trapped in the sensation… of how you died? Then did Hunk live? What if he didn’t?! Fear overtakes him, and any other noise is clogged up, everything muted with a special ringing to it. 

 

_ ‘I don’t want to die, not yet.’  _

 

Afraid, afraid of the idea of death, Lance wriggles - trying to wake up, panic coursing through his veins. He has so much he wants to do, so much he wants to live for. He has to pilot Blue, he has to save the universe- he-!! 

 

A glimmer of light catches itself on his cheek, resulting in his tired, tired eyes to peel open, surrounded by a soft blue color. He can hear their voices, the paladin’s voices. They’re loud and clear now, not muddled by the darkness and the taste of death itself. 

 

“... Or we could find a new paladin...” 

 

Lance feels his eyes shoot open, he’s on the floor. Surprisingly, he can’t really feel it, it’s just there. In fact, it feels like he’s standing on extremely thin ground. When he looks around, he can see Hunk, Keith, and Shiro. They have tensed, angry expressions on their faces. Scrunched up like they’re so mad, they’re about to cry. Opposing them, is Coran, Allura, and Pidge. Pidge has a sad look on their face, almost like they can’t believe they just said that. Allura has a tired expressions, her hands balled up into fists. Coran, well, he looks like he feels a bit awkward. He’s looking away, like he can’t quite bring himself to face them.

 

“Look- I’m not saying we have to right away, but it’s our best bet at defeating Zarkon and defending the universe.” Pidge defends, their eyes pleadingly looking at the three before them. “It’s… all we can do to even eat.” Pidge whispers, their voice cracking. “...So… So of course it wouldn’t be right away… just… I don’t want to do it either… we…-”

 

“Bullshit!” Keith yells, a glare, a fire in his eyes. “Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit!” He lifts his head to scowl down at Pidge, an honest betrayal lingering in his face. “How could you even suggest a thing like that…?!” Keith’s voice sounds weak, like it’s on the verge of cracking. “I don’t want to hear anymore.” And then he’s storming off, disappearing behind the woosh of the door sliding closed. 

 

“Listen, I don’t know what kind of bond you have with Lance - or clearly didn’t have, but he would never give up on us. If that was one of us, instead, he’d probably punch you in the face. Lance cares about us more than anything, even if he has a funny way of expressing it. I’m disappointed in you, Pidge.” Hunk sighs, shaking his head as he follows after Keith. He too storming off, behind an automatic door. 

 

“It’s not like I asked to be here…” Pidge mumbled, voice shaky and tense. “It’s not like I asked Lance to die! I know the facts are hard, and they hurt, and they sting, but what else are we supposed to do?!” Pidge screams at the ground, tears dripping from their eyes. “What if Zarkon attacks?! We need… someone who can pilot the blue lion, especially if Lance can’t. I don’t think he’ll ever wake up.” Pidge sucks in a breath. “We’re just… kids.” Pidge rubs their eyes. “We’re just kids, we’re… we’re supposed to be going to school. We’re supposed to be at our prime for our dreams, supposed to be doing what kids do! Not trying to defeat some million year old devil, that’s not our job…! Maybe we weren’t cut out to be paladins! I’ll never be like you, Shiro. I’ll never be able to live by war, never be able to… to understand what it’s like to be able to  _ move on.  _ At some point crying about Matt wasn’t enough, I became obsessed with trying to find him. That’s what a kid should be doing, looking out for a family member instead of someone they’re not even related to!” And with that, Pidge runs out. 

 

“Pidge- wait.” Allura runs after them, her shoes tapping into the ground. 

 

“Princess!” Coran is the next to file out, leaving Shiro all alone. 

 

“What am I supposed to do…?” Shiro runs his hands through his hair. 

 

Lance… 

 

Lance hasn’t ever seen anything quite like this. Is he… tearing the team apart? Pidge doesn’t… Hunk… Keith? Is their concern forced, are they just scared? Lance has always felt like the seventh wheel, like there’s stuff not even knows, but that’s particularly true right now. 

 

Lance doesn’t know anything, and can’t do anything. 

 

_ ‘Looks like I’m useless.’  _ He says with a sad expression, staring at his hands. Useless… that’s a strong word, but it’s never been more true. Lance can’t do anything to help anyone, not even if he wanted to. As it stands, Lance is dead weight. Pidge is right, everyone else should be doing their best to defend the universe - not worry about someone who can’t even wake up.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't gone to sleep yet then it is still technically Friday or whatever day it's supposed to be.
> 
> Sorry for the pretty short chapter.... But it was meant to be.


	7. Planning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wheres my Love - SYML

The sun filters through the leaves of the trees, grass swaying as if to dance to a tune inaudible to anyone else. 

 

“Hey, let’s play.”

  
  


\---

 

Lance had more or less, been forced to come accustomed to no one seeing him. Sure, he was being kinda idiotic at first. At some point, he’d tried to say hi to Pidge, and another he’d even tried to throw his arm over Hunk’s shoulder, and ask him what exactly he was baking. Of course, he got no replies, and he phased right through anyone he tried to touch. Was he even real? The ground beneath his feet was almost transparent at times, when he would have what he classifies as “attacks.” Little, short spouts where he couldn’t breathe, and his brain would be filled with intrusive thoughts. Kind of like panic attacks almost, thought he would actually begin to  _ fade.  _ At first it was horrifying, and he for sure thought he was going to die. Yet his brain just didn’t care, it whispered ‘At least you won’t be a burden anymore.’ 

 

The pain that surfaces during these attacks is unlike anything Lance has ever felt, it’s the crushing weight of defeat. One could try and scrabble out the words - ‘Not yet, I don’t want to give up.’ But, that’s pretty pointless. Why shout and scream at the top of lungs, trying to convince yourself of something so trivial. You’d be lying to yourself, you want to lose. Why else would you be in this situation? Drowning in the deep, oceanic blues? 

 

Lance talks to himself a lot, surprisingly, a lot of it keeps him sane. A good portion of what he tells himself is pretty self depreciative, but, what else can you expect? He can’t blame Keith for everything. He’s always made fun of Keith, bickering, trying to bring Keith down with him - that’s what it has to be, right? There’s no other reason he’d be insulting the boy left and right, Keith’s the one that got them out of the stupid Garrison - Keith’s the one that really saved Shiro. Lance knows that - knows that all of this is his own fault. If he’d actually avoided dragging everyone into this mess, think about it - Hunk’s family would be bringing pineapple to the block party. Pidge would be stargazing atop the Garrison, hoping that one day their family will return to them - that their brother will stumble through the sky, the light of his shit flickering until it collides with the ground. 

 

Lance wouldn’t make his family worry about him missing, wouldn’t inflict worry in the hearts of everyone and anyone involved with him. Would quietly go out like a star when no one is looking, and it would be different. Because then Hunk wouldn’t be stress baking, hands shaking as he lifts the cookie platter up to his eyes to inspect the objects. Hunk wouldn’t be taking the blame the most, slamming the tray down, sighing and abandoning his hard work in the dust. Off to his room he goes, and maybe won’t be out by next  _ week.  _ If Lance had just shut up, kept his curiosity in check, avoided sneaking out since the beginning, then no one would be wound up in this mess. Especially Lance.

 

It’s clear now, maybe Lance being born was a mistake.

 

\--

 

Keith was jabbing and throwing hooks and then uppercut to a training bot. He was angry, he was furious, and he was punching too hard. The gloves he had didn’t help his case either; the leather bruising and scraping on his knuckle. The flesh began to bleed staining his gloves, fingerless gloves were definitely a bad fashion choice. Jab, cross, hook- the punches never meeting their target. But the bot’s fists were landing each jab, each uppercut, each hook sending him farther back and landing on his ass. He yelled out as he slammed to the ground, turning over to rub his ass as it throbbed.

 

“End training sequence.” He called out. His demand came true when the leather bot stood straight and rose to the sky. He shifted his body and laid flat on his back- still feeling his tailbone and lower back ache. He looked up to the ceiling and sighed.

 

The team made the decision to hook Lance up to Pidge’s tech and see how his brain, vitals and such were. But in order to do that they had to take him out of the healing pod. Which needed muscle strength. Keith was working his muscles to help out, Hunk was the one who brought the bed, over to Lance, just in order to take him to a better place, secure and safe. No, he’s not dead, yet anyway. 

 

Shiro and Keith were the heavy lifters. Keith volunteered. 

 

He looked over to the clock that was in altean but from the way the clock looked, clockwise and spread in a circle exactly like the clocks on Earth, Keith knew roughly what time it was. He read the clock and dreaded the time.

 

_ 5:48. _

 

It was too soon. 

 

_ 5:52 _

 

Stop. 

 

_ 5:57 _

 

No!

 

_ 6:00 _

 

Before Keith knew what was happening he felt the wetness draining and falling out of his eyes. 

 

The risks of moving Lance was if they do not hook him to life support within 3 minutes, he would die. 

 

\--

 

Lance had his arms on his knees, head buried in his arms. His life, was it really this important? Why bother saving something so fragile, when something is shattered too far beyond repair, you’re supposed to just buy a new one - right? Why do they bother? Why don’t they spend their time with something productive? They should find Matt, he’d make an excellent pilot after all. 

 

The sensation of drowning, is something he couldn’t answer even if he wanted to. First, fear bubbles up inside you, knowing that you’re dying - then it washes over you like a large wave. There’s no solution to this one, you can’t fight this battle. Especially alone. All alone. Lance was all alone in that water, but was he? Hunk was above him, eyes searching for any signs of life - begging Lance, begging him.  _ “Save me.”  _ His eyes pleaded, searching for a way out - Lance wishes he could save somebody. Anybody. Then, when Hunk left the deep waters, being pulled out of the liquid, droplets plopping against the surface, joining the rest - 

 

Lance was left behind. 

 

It was like an old movie, that’s what life looked like through his eyes. It’s always been that way, ever since he was little. Everything was either in black and white, or a nice, brownish tint. The color had drained, from his mom’s eyes, from his own. He didn’t see anything really, everything he did was brash, he wanted to live. Wanted to feel something that made his heartbeat real, feelable. He wanted to be able to breathe in the air, and say “yeah, life's good.” He threw himself into being a pilot for the Garrison, losing himself to his work, doing his best. He climbed the ranks, but there was always someone one step ahead of him - and yet, that was like his reason for living. He wanted to live. 

 

He wanted Keith. He wanted to see the purple tint in his eyes and to be blinded by his red cropped jacket. Lance wanted to be splashed in colors, wanted to catch Keith like he was a bug on the run, and wanted to keep him safe. Lance wanted to capture the fleeting feeling, the sensation that pulsed in his chest, where his heart is. 

 

Lance’s fingers always slipped through, though. 

 

Like he was trying to grab water, he slipped right through it. All Lance could do was stare, amazement in his eyes - the way Keith smiled, to the way he laughed. Lance was wrapped around Keith’s finger, and doing the best he could to hold onto that feeling; like holding hands. He attacked. He bickered, he argued, always hoping Keith would give a response - fall into his words. So that way, that way Keith wouldn’t  _ stop talking to him.  _ It was a pointless fear, it was a stupid one too. Keith couldn’t stop talking to Lance, not anytime soon anyway, the two of them were defending the universe after all. 

 

After all… 

 

Lance pushed his head further into his arms, tears gushing from his eyes. So spirits, ghosts, whatever entity he was, can cry too? His face scrunched up, nose wrinkling, it hurt. It hurts to be alone.

 

“I’m so useless.” He croaked out, voice tense and shaky, like he was the waves that drug him under - it would make sense. 

 

He hates himself the most, after all.

 

After all...

 

\--

 

No one wanted to face one another, because doing that met that they’d have to face themselves. No one was happy. No one wanted to do this difficult task of moving Lance, defending the universe was easier than this. No one wanted to look at what they’d done, what they’d neglected. It was so simple, he stood before them all the time, he wasn’t supposed to go anywhere. But they don’t lie, you really don’t miss something until it’s gone. 

 

Keith really understood that. He wished that he could say so many more words to Lance, than he did. He wanted to take back all the time that he called Lance an idiot, the worst pilot, and to tell Lance how much he actually cared. He cared so much about this cuban idiot, who pulled finger guns out of nowhere, and stupid puns that didn’t even make him laugh, or any sense - just cringe in annoyance. He never knew how much he missed them. Keith has never really missed anything, aside from his parents, and Shiro. Other than that, everything else was television static, or a mysterious source of energy, and he was just fine avoiding it. Avoiding things was probably his specialty, and at the same time, so was chasing someone or something down to the ends of the universe. 

 

Lance made him feel jumbled up. 

 

Did Keith want him to wake up? Yes, of course he did! Everything Keith did was for him, and it was weird - why?! Why bother?! Why did he want Lance to wake up? Keith has no idea. That’s probably the one thing he’ll never understand. Why fight for something so… 

 

Annoying! Stupid! Ugly! Cute! Happy! Adorable! Tall! Perfect! 

 

It was overwhelming, especially with how many names he could call Lance, It over flowed him with concern for Lance that he really,  _ really,  _ wants Lance to wake up. Not just to save the universe. But to wake up for him. It’s selfish, he knows that. It’s selfish that the reason he fights is for someone confined to a bed, someone who probably has no chance of waking up. It’s selfish, he knows, to get mad over suggestions, it’s selfish to pin the whole weight of the universe to one boy. One boy who has shitty jokes, bad ideas, and is overall obnoxious. 

 

But since when has that stopped Keith?

 

If Lance- no,  _ when _ Lance wakes up he is going to say everything he never said, this includes the stuff wanted to. He isn’t going to hold anything back, and he’ll be as honest to himself, and to Lance. This pressure inside his chest was a nagging ache that he needed to get rid of - it was  _ suffocating him _ . And he couldn’t handle it. 

 

He was drowning in his own regrets, thoughts and emotions. It was like a wave. 

 

He can wish for everything to be back to the way it was and to have it all be hunky-dory but that, that wasn’t going to happen overnight. No matter how much he wished, no matter how much he wanted it to be - 

 

It never was. Stuff never happens overnight. Colds don’t go away that quick, and neither does the lingering taste of death.

 

\--

 

Keith made his way down to the bridge of the ship where everyone waited. His eyes were red and swollen but he did his best, mostly to clean up what had happened in the training deck. Partially to hide is internal suffering. His knuckles were red and bleeding very subtly, the scratches lining his skin, making it more bumpy and uneven than it already was. His cheeks were turning an ugly purple and yellow from the blows he gained from the level. Everyone looked over him, their eyes scanning his body. They had grown concerned, worry eating at the insides of their bodies. But they didn’t say a word, they knew that Keith had something deep inside he was dealing with - they all did; they didn’t push or beg for answers. Maybe because no one wanted to pry into something more they couldn’t handle, because their problems were already crushing them. Or maybe it’s because… they were afraid to see Keith cry.

 

“I set the level a little too high on the training deck.” He rubbed the back of his neck with his very grotesque gloves, a faint hint on the knuckles. Shiro didn’t stop staring at Keith, keeping dead eye contact - no care or concern for Keith at all.

 

Or at least that’s how Keith perceived it. 

 

Shiro usually doesn’t weigh people over other people, but to him, the blow Keith and Hunk dealt together, was enough to make a grown man indescribably angry. Shiro, he loved Keith, of course he did. Keith was like a younger brother, but right now that love was dangling on a thin spider web. At any point, it could snap. 

 

_ It’s all your fault, you dumbass. _

 

Pidge let out a sigh, the tension was crushing. 

 

“Anyway, calm down, here’s the plan.” Pidge pulled out a tablet, one that was seeable on both sides. The blue, altean text had been fairly easy for Pidge to learn - they were a mini genius. “We’re going to have Hunk and Shiro lift him out of the pod - I wanted Keith to do it, but he’s hurt so he’d only slow everything down.” 

 

“But I said I was going to do it!? I’m fine it’s just some scratches and a bruise!”

 

“ **It’s not about you.** ” Pidge informed Keith, a glare in their eyes. “It’s about if we can successfully get Lance on life support, that way he doesn’t die. If you want him to die, be my guest then. But we talked it over, and not only are you late, you’re also hurt, so sit this one out. You’ve done enough.” Keith flinched back, betrayed and  _ very  _ hurt. He could believe his ears. 

 

_ Is that what you all think!? Is that way it’s my fault that Lance is in this state!? _

 

“I haven’t even done anything, how about Hunk?! He’s the one that crashed into Lance in the first place, probably over motion sickness or something stupid! You can’t blame me for something I never even did!” Keith yelled, reacting entirely on his emotions. 

 

“ _ KEITH! _ ” Shiro yelled. “Shut up! Stop trying to take the blame off yourself!” 

 

“Oh yeah?! Like you’re one to even talk! You’ve been blaming everyone but yourself, don’t think we haven’t noticed. The way you look at us, like we’re the reason your life is so bad. Well guess what Shiro, we were both in the same place, at the same time it happened to Lance. So it’s equally your fault.” Keith glared, the purple in his eyes highlighted by the blue light of the castle. 

 

“Shiro doesn’t blame us.” Allura interjected. Coran shuffled silently.

 

“And what do you know, you failed us anyway.” Keith said, his words digging like daggers. “You couldn’t even get us out of that place faster - actually, this is all Shiro’s fault. Shiro, you’re the one that got Allura taken - if you hadn’t, then none of this would be happening. Lance would still be here.” Keith balled his hands into fists, anger taking over his thoughts, unable to process how much damage he could be doing to them. 

 

“Stop pointing fingers at each other!” Coran yelled. “Stop turning your backs on each other when we all need it the most! We are all to blame! Not just Hunk, not just you Keith, neither you Shiro! Don’t even think it’s yours princess because you got captured! We’ve all become a madhouse wild lions hungry to take the first bite!”

 

As good as Coran is, he forgot to mention Lance in there. It makes sense though, Lance isn’t really relevant in this conversation, and this big fight is his fault. Lance looks up to Coran from the wall he sat himself against, he’s to blame, really. It wasn’t Hunk’s fault, Hunk isn’t even a pilot. It wasn’t Keith’s fault, he was trying to take care of Shiro’s injury. It wasn’t Allura’s fault, she was just trying to help - and of course, it wasn’t Pidge’s or Coran’s. The two of them are trying to keep the team together. 

 

Lance is the one here who they should all be pointing fingers at, should be yelling at, should be angrily asking him why he did what he did. He could have tried harder to stay alive, to stay in this life, but did he? He wanted to, but beggars can’t be choosers.

 

Lance feels himself fade, like he’s being erased by a whiteboard marker, the fine line between being physically there wiping away. 

 

He’s dying. 

 

“So what's the plan?” Hunk asked silently. Pidge sighed and then looked down at the screen.

 

“Well, like I was saying. You and Shiro will be lifting Lance out of the bed, while Keith and Coran will push Lance in the bed - we need to secure him in his room, and hook him up to all the machines within the three minutes time, I brilliantly made this as workable and in as short of time as possible.” Teeth shine. “Then, I’ll begin the syncing process, for five minutes, which is why it has to be in three, because a person can only survive eight minutes if they’re dead.” Pidge taps a couple things. 

 

“This only has a seventy percent success rate, the rest will be up to Lance from there.”

 

Keith’s face was drained from color at the percentage he heard. It was too low, too real. He felt his heart sink to the pit of his stomach as his breath became erratic. He was scared. Terrified at what could happen. If Lance wanted to he could just-  _ let go. _ Keith grew as scared, similar to an earlier time before. And unrelenting, and new kind of fear. Scared that Lance would let go.

 

_ “Up to me?”  _ Lanced breathed outward, his eyes screwing shut. He was fading away, they couldn’t trust him like that - it’s unfair. He’ll die for sure, far too fast too - he doesn’t stand a chance. Maybe he should just… Give up already. Lance has had a good run, has done his best, but when it boils down to it, it just wasn’t good enough. 

 

“Lance won’t give up on us though, I’ve known Lance my whole life, he’d never abandon us. Lance is amazing like that, he’s strong… and…” Hunk’s eyes fell to the floor, like it was suddenly the most interesting thing on the castle. “I trust him.” 

 

Now he couldn’t just let go. He can’t let Hunk down like many other times he has.

 

_ “You’re so unfair Hunk. I can’t believe you.” _ He lets out a breath, the tears rolling down his cheeks.  _ “Just this once, Hunk. I’ll pay you back for everything -” _

 

Images of Hunk dragging him out of bed, making his bed, helping watch his younger siblings. To images of Hunk making Lance his favorite treat, to his favorite meal, to helping his mom with the housework, to help Lance overcome any obstacle in his life. Going as far as to help Lance study, to make sure the boy understood the material, enabling him to go farther than he possibly could of alone. Without Hunk, Lance would have never made it to be second in the Garrison. 

 

Flashing to images of swingsets, and kindergarten settings, to Hunk standing up for Lance if anyone ever said anything mean. To the times when Hunk would hug Lance, letting him cry out all his frustrations. 

 

_ “C’mon Lance, let’s go play!”  _ A cold shiver went down Lance’s spine making him grow a special, reserved horrified expression. He didn’t know why, he didn’t really recognize the voice but it was familiar.

 

_ “How long will you forget me?”  _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


	8. Live

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't really an update, just re-writing chapter 8, not much changed but it is probably worth the re-read.
> 
> What Should I Do - Jaymes Young

The sound of the leaves rustling, the sounds of kids laughing, dirt crunching underneath feet as they stomped along. The sound of gentle words. 

 

_ “I never did like you, you’re too forgetful, so stupid.” _

 

\---

  
  


Allura stood by the healing pod that held Lance and looked to everyone else to make sure they were okay and ready for the trials ahead. Eyes gliding over to meet Shiro’s, Hunk’s, Pidge’s and Coran’s to finally Keith. Everyone knew how Keith and Lance were with each other. Bickering and arguing non-stop- but it was an act. Definitely not real at all. The reality Tv shows back on Earth would love to get the scoop on those two idiots because of how fake it was. 

 

With a soft sight, Allura spoke up to ease the still fresh tension that lingered between everyone currently present. 

 

“Opening the pod now, in 3....”

 

Keith gulped a lump of air and felt cold drops of sweat trickle down the back of his neck. 

 

“2.....”

 

Shiro and Hunk got ready at the number and prepared to raise Lance, they needed to be able to take him to the bed that was prepared in the next few rooms over. Nervous and concerned. Pidge waited in the room ready to put the charges and the support on Lance as he would enter. The success rate was low, but if Lance wanted to live - he would. Pidge just had to trust him as wholeheartedly as Hunk. 

 

“...1...”

 

Coran got the timer ready to make sure Lance would be able to make it. 

 

“NOW!”

 

The pod opened with a woosh, smoke drifting from it’s doors like a dragon’s mouth. Shiro and Hunk grabbed Lance and carried him through the room, the smell of anesthetic heavy on him. His sleeping expression calm, collected, and nice to overall look at. Like the usually hard creases of a hard day being undone.  Keith waited by the door to hold it open with Coran and he read the timer. They planned to push the bed, though they decided that might take too much time, because that would require them securing Lance in it - and what if something goes wrong? It’d just be easier if Shiro and Hunk carried him away. 

 

“Move it!” Shiro barked at Keith as they passed. Coran looked at Keith with a smile of sympathy then quickly run behind them saying the time. Keith could feel his expression tense, eyes crinkling at the corners. Who did Shiro even think he was?!

 

“T-minus 2:30!” Keith began to run around Hunk, pushing far and fast in order to warn Pidge and wait by the bed. It really was a pretty far run. Would they even make it in time? It was the closest room too! This castle was too fucking huge! 

 

“T-minus 1:30!” Coran marked. It was too fast! They weren’t going to make it in time. Keith opened the door to the room where Pidge waited holding cords and weird things that would stick to Lance to read his vitals, pushing through his skin and dipping into his blood, making sure to secure his life for as long as possible.

 

“It’s too far they’ll never make it...” Pidge said. Keith turned and glared at Pidge.

 

“This was you’re idea, take responsibility and have faith in Lance! It’s too early to give up!” He yelled. The far figures of Shiro and Hunk grew closer and closer with every waking moment. It was way too far to make it.

 

“T-minus 15 ticks!” Coran yelled. Shiro and Hunk were out of breath and slowly made it to the room, They laid Lance down as Pidge started to apply the cords. Keith started the next timer for Pidge once Coran’s ran out, his anxiety making his fingers shake. Pidge placed the cords to the inside of his elbow for the dripper and other for him to eat. Pidge placed pads on his chest and his head to read his vitals but...

 

Flatline. 

 

Everyone paled. Everyone was terrified. Everyone began to mumble, Shiro was so confused as Pidge tapped on their keyboard vigorously. Hunk sighed sounding pained and crushed. Allura turned and began to cry in Coran’s shoulder as he hugged her close, hushing her sobs. Keith looked at the timer.

 

_ 2:48 _

 

No, it was too fast.

 

_ 2:36 _

 

Stop it! 

 

_ 2:18 _

 

“THIS ISN’T HAPPENING!!” Keith screamed. He dropped the timer and pulled his knife out. He climbed onto of Lance, crouching over him as everyone began to protest his actions thinking he was going to hurt Lance. Keith grabbed Lance’s suit and pulled it away from his skin. He stabbed his blade down just before the tip hit his skin. He yanked the knife down opening his suit to reveal the cuban’s brown, flawless skin. But Keith didn’t have the time to stare.

 

“Put them back on his skin!” Keith said. Pidge did as Keith commanded and checked the vitals. Keith reached underneath Lance’s ear and below his jaw to feel for a pulse. He closed his eyes in concentration and waited. 

 

_ Bump... Bump.... _

 

Keith gasped and smiled looking at Lance, his eyes became blurred and unclear- but he knew he was looking at Lance. His rejoice was too early, seconds later a loud beeping sound turned on. Pidge looked over and stared at their computer. They started tapping on their computer and began to panic when things began to close and the screens were turning black. And the whole castle’s power shut off. Everything was black besides the the orange glow of the timer. Coran sprang into action and looked around.

 

“The power! The castle has never done this before!” Coran exclaimed, he turned and found an emergency light in the room.

 

“We need another source of power so my computer can work!” Pidge was pushing buttons after buttons trying to get their computer to work.

 

“I’ll check the main systems! Keith! There is an external battery in the Training deck you’ve seen it before right?” Coran said but Keith didn’t really understand him. His eyes were focused on the timer.

 

“The training deck is too far away is there another? Something I can break at least to get one.” Shiro asked, Coran nodded and explained that the pods would most likely have a source but if not then.... Hunk was mumbling things to himself and how this was all a mistake and how it was his fault. He should have kept Lance from going out that night back at the Garrison.

 

Hunk collapsed to the ground and began to sob. He couldn’t contain it, and he wailed like a big baby who just had broke their favorite Teddy bear. Shiro came back with a battery and gave it to Pidge as they began to connect it. The stress was eating them alive. Soon as Pidge connected the external battery their computer began to reboot but the ETA was 4 minutes. 4 minute they didn’t have. Everyone began to panic as the lights turned on. Keith tried to feel for a pulse but felt nothing. No pulse, no breath, he was dying.

 

They all froze as they saw Keith place his lips on Lance’s and blow air into his mouth. Everyone stopped at his action and watched as Keith began to pump his chest. CPR?! Keith was a fast thinker, and he’s really only seen it in movies - but he’ll take his chances this time.

 

“C’mon Lance! C’mon! Don’t you dare die on me now!” He yelled. His eyes were screwed shut as he focused on the pumping of his hands, urging Lance on to live - live - 

 

At every pump Keith breathed the number out and counted up until 30. He told Pidge to feel for a pulse before going down to breath into Lance’s mouth. Lance’s chest puffed up at Keith pushed air in while holding his nose close and his head pointed up to let the air flow in smoothly. He placed his hands on the center of Lance’s chest with his fingers laced together and on top of each other. He aligned his shoulders over his hands but froze, his face went pale as he stared at Lance’s sleeping face. His heart racing and pounding in his ears making him deaf to the people around him, he couldn’t hear Shiro scream at him nor could he hear Pidge say his name. He knew that people were talking around him but nothing registered in his mind. His breathing stopped and he began to panic. 

 

_ Lance could die, and it’d be my fault. Lance is going to die. I need to save him. I need to- I need to save- I could lose him... I.... I... _

 

SLAP

 

Shiro slapped Keith across the face to grab his attention, Keith stared blankly at Shiro but there was so many emotions and thought flooding his mind until he could finally hear again.

 

“Lance is going to die because of you. Don’t add more blame to yourself and fucking save his life.” Keith’s breath we released as he began to pant and then look back down at Lance below him. He was ready, he was set, he just needed to do the compressions. Keith took a deep breath inward and began the chest compressions, counting up to 30 after each and every pump. 

 

“No pulse....” Pidge’s voice broke when she spoke. Shiro came back out of breath and with the external battery and gave it to Pidge. Pidge hooked their computer up to it and saw it began to reboot, ETA: 5 minutes. Time wasn’t on their side. Pidge sighed and began to unhook Lance from the machine until Shiro yelled.

 

“No! We still have time, Pidge get life support going but giving him the NGT for feeding and hook him up for vital signs, we have 10 minutes of CPR until death-”

 

“But he’s in a coma Shiro! And we’re out of time... It’s over.” Hunk said. 

 

“NO!” Keith yelled. “I’m not going to give on Lance! I don’t care if he remembers anything or not, when he comes back, I'll stay by his side until I die!” He blew into Lance’s mouth and came back out to keep pumping. “I’m not giving up.” Lance felt his heart jump. Keith was stubborn, of course he wouldn’t give up on Lance they had a ‘Bonding Moment’ that Keith never forgave Lance for forgetting.    
  


_ “Idiot, don’t put so much faith in me.”  _ Lance said. 

 

“A pulse! There’s a pulse!!” Pidge yelled. “Keep going we only have 3 minutes left and then Life support will be working.” Keith nodded while sweat dripped down his neck. He bent down to blow in his mouth and felt for his pulse to make sure it was there, he counted to five then blew another breath again

 

“I won’t give up.” Keith mumbled going down to his lips, but didn't blow. 

 

_ “Why are you all doing this for me? Save the universe and yourselves and just leave my behind! I’m useless to you all.” _

 

“Ah!” Pidge exclaimed, their eyes widening. Their computer was back online as they began to furiously tap their computer to see the vitals and regulations. “He’s breathing!!” They yelled as they heard the regular heart beat. Everyone sighed even though Keith didn’t stop. He stopped pumping Lance’s chest and blowing air, but he didn’t stop kissing him. It was a few seconds until he pulled back and away, tasting the warm lips and the burst of flavor. He soon realised what he did and quickly leaned back and crawled off of Lance. It was silent for a few seconds with some staring, though Pidge couldn’t help the blush that traced their cheeks. “Didn't know you could do that...” Pidge said silently thought everyone couldn't help but notice that the last mouth-to-mouth was more of a kiss not CPR. 

 

“Your face is red.” They stared at Keith’s face and tried to see just how embarrassed he was. 

 

“Shut the fuck up Pidge!” Keith yelled with his face fairly red as well.

 

He couldn’t believe his eyes, what had just happened!? Lance was just kissed by Keith! Fucking Keith! Lance had even witnessed the experience. His face was red with embarrassment as he backed away. Lance’s heart raced and pounded in his ears feeling the burning in his face and chest; his stomach doing flips and rushed with butterflies. The monitor grabbed everyone’s attention as the regular heartbeat grew faster in pace. Keith felt his heart skip a beat seeing the heartrate, Keith may be stupid at times, but he was still pretty smart. He definitely noticed that.

  
_ “Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, holy shit?! HOLY SHIT?! Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, holy shit????!!?!?!”  _ Lance could practically feel the lips on his mouth, his finger shaking as they traced again the flesh his mouth. Keith’s mouth was warm, and it spread a hot feeling through his chest, like being relieved of the drowning sensation for a temporary amount of time. He wasn’t drowning when Keith’s lips were fresh on his own, he was soaring above the clouds.  _ “Holy shit, that was my first...”  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, you know how we had a schedule? OOPS, didn't work out..... but expect Fridays and if not, we're still working.


	9. Frustration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance reflects, Keith sobs, and Shiro's not mad, he's just disappointed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song suggestions: Wires - the Neighborhood.   
> Fools - Troye Sivan

Faintly, you could hear the cries of a little boy behind a tree with scratches and bruises on his arms and legs, and the laughter of another who was yelling awful things to him. The kid’s palms pressed against his eyes, the tears gushing from his face like rain on a cloudy day. He sniffled, snot dripping from his nose in quite the gross display - his hair poking up in awkward angles. 

 

_ “You should just die if you’re going to be like that! You should just go back to where you came from! You don’t belong here! You aren’t important! You’re useless to the world! No one likes you anyway, you should hear the things people say behind your back! The world would genuinely, be better off without you!” _

 

\--

 

Every roller coaster was one that neither Keith or Lance screamed, not even a slight peep leaving their lips on the drops or the sudden turns. They did their best to hold it in, probably another competition between the two boys - they seemingly refused to go down. Lance’s cheeks puffed out, and Keith had a death grip on the safety bard - knuckles turning white from how hard he was clinging on for dear life. Lance on the other hand, was practically vibrating, leg bouncing up and down in anxiety attacks - except for during the ride, unable to even move as he focused entirely on drowning the urge to scream. Chills climbing up his back, the hair on the nape of his neck prickling. Then they, eventually, both failed at the same time. Screams ripping from the back of their throats, eyes squeezed shut tightly. 

 

They went to half of the rides before needing a break, they had to sit down and calm themselves from the many roller coasters they’d been victim to. They both wobbled like a couple of drunks, suddenly lacking basic motor functions in their legs. Lance leaned forward on his knees looking at the ground feeling a little sick. Keith was leaning back looking up at the purple sky and breathing very quietly, and yet heavily at the same time. His cheeks flushed - possibly from the exertion. He looked over to glance at Lance, somewhat shocked to find the cuban boy staring back at him. Lance seemed to flinch in that moment, eyes zipping back to the ground. A pinkish color creeped along his tanned skin, and he twiddled with his thumbs. What a girl. 

 

“What?” Keith said, furrowing his brows. Was there something on his face? What was with that look, anyway? 

 

“Nothing, does everything have to be about you? Let’s go ride some more!” Lance stood up a little too fast - vision going fuzzy and black - aahh, light headedness. He stumbled  and wound up wobbling right back down into place. He pinched his temples from a slight throbbing that had started to form, definitely progressing into the migraine stage. Keith sat forward and raised an eyebrow. 

 

“Why don't we ride on calm rides for a while?” Keith offered, snickering under his breath at the flustered and messy display of the other. 

 

“A Merry-go-round would be great...” Lance spoke breathless, before slowly standing up and stocking off to his left. Keith rolled his eyes, ignoring the mess of a lanky bean - he started walking to the right, fingers snagging the scruff of Lance’s Jacket to lead him in the right direction. Lance let out a yelp, groaning at Keith kidnapping him away. If he had the energy, he’d probably bark about how they’re going the wrong way, that Lance  _ knows  _ this is the wrong way. Keith however, was not going to have it anyway, and Lance had a feeling it would just be a waste of breath.

 

They found the ride after getting lost for  _ 30 minutes,  _ a mess of constant bickering, mocking, and then some. Glares were being shot, and Lance was irritatedly throwing his hands in the air - in utter defeat. Keith had zero sense of direction, and Lance was being stubborn, unwillingly being yanked around the whole park. When they  _ finally _ found the ride Lance ran straight for the white stallion, suddenly regaining all of his energy in that instant. Considering that this was an amusement park in space, you wouldn't expect them to have a horse as one of the traditional seats on the ride - Lance was definitely ecstatic to discover this. Keith found one that looked like a cat but had a body of a seahorse, plus the arms and legs of some type of goo monster. Keith and Lance sat down, before getting into the whole story behind the white steed, and why it was his absolute favorite.  

 

_ “Heeyah!!! _ Away Casper for I the Knight of-” Lance started shouting out, declaring as if he was about to go to war or something. He had his arm outstretched in front of him, finger pointing outward in quite the dramatic display. His other hand was clutching the safety harness, a childish grin spreading across his face. 

 

“Isn't Casper a ghost...?” Keith spoke, in the middle of Lance’s sentence, which earned him quite the glare from the other. Lance hates being cut off more than anything, which tends to happen quite a lot when you have a whole herd of siblings. 

 

“Ghosts are white? Don't interrupt me!” Lance moved his finger swifty, pointing it accusingly at Keith - as if Keith had mugged him or something, the blue paladin looking utterly offended. 

 

“Oh, I beg your pardon, sir Knight, Lance the Stupid.” Keith spoke oozing sarcasm and bowing with an arm in front of his hips. Despite Keith being bent over, his mouth outspread into a his own childish smirk. 

 

“Pardon granted, foul Peasant Keith.” Lance said smugly. The ride began to twirl and play its classic alien music, Lance letting out a squeal of utter delight - and had the cuban been younger, it would’ve been far cuter. 

 

“Away Casper, for I the Knight of Voltron will save and protect the entire universe with my amazing skin and _ perfect  _ blue eyes!! Do not fear foul Peasant Keith, for I, Lance Dashing McClain, Knight of Voltron is here to save the day!!” Keith was very amused with Lance’s monologues about how amazing he was, and how he’d single handedly stop the Teletubbies from poisoning delicious porridge, that they will then feed to the universe. There was screaming, choking, and water, and apparently Lance almost died but was  _ saved _ by the beauty of the moon goddess Allura, who gave Lance the strength to finish the Teletubbies once for all. What was this, a bad Zelda knock off? 

 

Keith couldn’t help but think of how adorable it is, how cute Lance could be about - about a dumb topic like Teletubbies and porridge. He was so _ cute _ to the point where Keith found himself ogling at Lance’s brown skin and chocolate hair. The warmth radiating off of his naturally tanned skin, really brought out the blue eyes he had, and intensifying the white toothy smile he gave when he laughed, and/or smirked at his own stupid jokes. The lean build of Lance, including his broad shoulders and his smooth chest, his long legs and thin hips. He was honestly, beautiful. Keith was gay, there was no way around it, Keith was definitely, one hundred percent gay.

 

Keith flinched when Lance looked over at him, with the tilt of his head, before he inquired if something was wrong. Keith’s heart lept into his throat as he couldn’t speak, like his mouth had been stuffed full of too much cotton, and he was suddenly mute. He froze and stopped breathing, heart pounding away like crazy against his ribs.  

 

“I’m fine.” He managed to say, Lance raised an eyebrow and then shrugged. He sat down and then leaned back on his valiant ride, a horse of an excellent background apparently - raised by the best breeders to have ever lived, Coran and Hunk - astounding chefs, and miracle workers on the side. He closed his eyes and let the spinning ride carry him along, losing himself in the sensation of the air rustling through his hair.

 

“I love carousels.” Lance spoke softly and took a deep breath. “It reminds me of the beach I lived by back home. When I do this, I feel like I am on the beach and that I’m being swiftly carried away by the ocean. At least, it feels similar.” Lance nearly whispered the last part, breath slightly shaky - his shoulder slouched some. Keith looked at Lance’s relaxed face and felt his face heat up from his heart beating faster suddenly. Keith then sat and leaned back, matching Lance, it caught Lance’s attention and had him open his eyes and look over. Keith let his eyes slip closed, muscles relaxing - and it felt good. Removing the tense feeling from his joints. He managed to keep himself upright, preventing him from falling backwards and off the creature. 

 

Lance watched as Keith’s hair fell back and hung in the air, his bangs falling, showing off a flash of  his pale forehead and revealed some missing freckles. Lance’s eyes were glued to the other boy, eyes slipping over Keith’s body - looking at his pale, milky white skin, and the stiff build of his arms and the tightness of his torso. His big hands that strained his arm, showing off more of his muscle build. His eyes looked to his legs that were actually pretty long, not as long as his but still long, ns they were definitely shapely. He looked at how the black leggings he wore fitted to him perfectly.. Black was , wa pretty slim color, which for Lance’s helpless case, was a pretty hard blow to his  blow to his heart jumped when noticing Keith’s eyes on him - Such a pleasant color of purple, flecked with various shades - and around the splotches of pink. it was a very rare eye color, or colors, but it was definitely perfect for Keith. His black hair and white skin let his eyes gleam like the purple you see when sunset is just barely drifting behind the horizon, specifically nights at the beach. The glowing color with sparks of white inside reminded Lance of when he would look up at the sky at night, listening to the ocean wash the sandy shore and just watch the sky gleam with billions upon billions of stars and constellations. His siblings nowhere in sight, though instead inside their humble abode, screaming and laughing - the lights from the house casting a warm glow over his skin, and onto the wavy, sandy shores. He would memorise them and pretend that when he dies, he too will become a constellation, lingering in the night sky that he so admired. Now, he wants to be the stars in Keith’s eyes. He wants to be the only thing Keith looks at, wants, craves, and  _ needs.  _

 

But flashes of Keith’s hand on Shiro’s shoulder, and the way he looked up to and ever so admired Shiro - how the black paladin was seemingly  _ everything  _ to Keith. Lance knew it, knew that, deep inside, he could never compete with someone as skillful, perfect, and swift. Lance was, afterall, the seventh wheel. He was reminded of this every second, with a painful pang to the chest. 

 

“Lance!?” Keith yelled knocking Lance out of his trance, blinking a couple times. “You look scared, what's wrong?” He asked raising an eyebrow at Lance’s face who was struggling to find the right words to release from his mouth. A singular tear, blue and pale against his cheek, slid down his face, dripping from his chin and onto the white horse below. 

 

“Ah, nothing.” Everything. “I was thinking about something.” About you. “Nothing important.” This is of high importance and can’t be delayed for any reason or for anything,  _ I need to know that you love me and that these feelings aren’t unrequited, that you look at me the way I look at you. That you need me the way I need you, that you’d accept me despite all of my flaws - please, Keith, please.  _

 

Keith shrugged, not noticing the tear that dripped from Lance’s eyes - and maybe if he had, maybe if he’d paid better attention in that moment, maybe pryed more than normal, he could’ve fixed Lance. Fixed Lance before he was so broken there were no pieces to pick up from the ground, glue together - upon a bed, makeshift, beeping, panic, endless floods of overwhelming feelings. 

 

“Are you sure? It just seems like you got scared.” Keith said pausing then smiling with an evil smirk and gleam in his eyes. “Are you scared because of the Carousel?” he asked. Lance shot up and began his protest with frustration and a glare. 

 

_ If only Keith had known, known that look - engraved it into his brain, looked for it more often. He did, naturally, notice. It was a recurring thing, something that forced itself onto Lance’s face, tainting the golden gleam. Known that Lance was, for lack of a better word, not okay. If Keith had begged, begged Lance to tell him what was wrong before it was too late - maybe… Maybe…. Maybe Lance would have a good reason to stay alive, something to live for.  _

 

“What!? No way! You know two seconds ago I said that I loved carousels!! Did you go deaf or blind just now because you just missed a very important bonding moment–” Lance stopped. Was it bonding? Apparently, Lance thought so. Keith supposed it could be, and he knew just what to do now. 

 

_ Keith hated this, hated himself, couldn’t believe the words that slipped past his mouth, the betrayal - the slip of a knife, and Keith was shoving that blade into Lance’s chest.  _

 

“Nope, don't remember, didn't happen.” Keith stood and walked off the platform of the ride leaving Lance alone and in shock, Keith undoing the harness that clung to him swiftly. Lance was hung up on what just transpired, for a good long, few minutes, before it clicked. Realization dawning on him, and anger bubbling in his stomach. He looked over at Keith with a slight blush and mischievous but smitten smile on his face. He looked at Keith from behind and felt his heart pounce when Keith turned around and looked at him with a soft smile. Lance stared at Keith for a moment and knew then and there. 

 

He had fell. 

 

Literally, he had fell.

 

In two different ways, metaphorically, and physically. Like seriously, ouch.

 

\--

 

Keith sat up from his bed and frowned. He almost wound up destroying the whole universe today. He almost lost Lance, and had  _ actually kissed _ Lance thinking that it would save him. Technically, speaking it did since Lance was stable now, as proved by the people assigned to look after him. One person for every four hours. Starting with Hunk, then Allura, and supposedly Keith. Keith was supposed to be sleeping because the next shift was his and the stress had proven too great for him. He needed a break from it all and to develop peace at mind - the only way for that to become achievable was through sleep. Especially since Hunk had a mental breakdown and sincerely believed Lance was dead or going to die. Hunk knew him the longest time and was  _ one _ of the  _ only _ best friends Lance had, and could call a best friend. It was only natural that Hunk was taking this as poorly as he had been, and if he wasn’t, then something would be wrong. Not that something already isn’t, because everyone knows something is very, very wrong. 

 

Shiro with a sigh, had told Hunk to get some rest, and allowed Coran to provide care for Allura, who had been crying day and night - eyes puffy and red, cheeks stained with tears. He looked at Keith, who was more or less gawking at Lance longingly, a look of worry lacing his eyes. 

 

“If Lance died today…” Shiro began, before cutting himself off with a shake of his head. “You did your best, but sometimes your best isn’t good enough.” And even though Shiro was talking to himself, 

 

Keith's heart shattered. 

\----

 

When Keith sat up from his bed he couldn't stop thinking about Lance - He knew why too. He touched his lips gently and swallowed hard, the pads of his fingers gently tracing the pink flesh. Would Lance know about this? Would Lance need to know about it? Would Lance even  _ want _ to know about it? Would he be absolutely disgusted, revolted, and off put by it? Would he feel uncomfortable around Keith, more so then he already does? 

 

Keith felt a frown form on his face. 

 

_ “ _ He probably wouldn't since he was asleep and it was me so, best never to let him know and- and I should just forget about it. I was saving his life it was a kiss and didn't mean anything _.”  _ Keith nodded, yeah, it didn’t mean anything - it was okay, it was fine. 

 

_ “Of course I would want to know about it you stupid moron!”  _ Lance yelled, voice strained - his face in anguish. He was pissed off at Keith even though, despite everything, the mullet man couldn't hear him or see him. Keith sighed and stood to leave his room, hand shaking as he reached for the collar of his jacket, when his ears perked at the sound of feet thumping against the castle tile. After a small moment of silence, where the feet had stopped just outside of his room. Then the thumping returned, whoever it was, was walking away pretty fast, and quietly too. Keith hesitated, before he opened his door with a whoosh. Looking outside his door, and discovered there to be some water and a small plate of goo, further followed by with a note, neat handwriting on each line. He took the tray into his room, closed the door, and slipped down the wall. He placed it next to himself on the cold ground, He took the note and began to read. 

 

_ Nothing's your fault. We all have our own problems, and despite what Shiro says - I’m jealous of you. I wish I could be as brave, strong, and courageous as you. I know it’s not much, but this is the best I could do. You haven’t been eating, and Lance wouldn’t want that. Neither would Shiro, everyone is stressed out - but I think we can move past this. This is nothing Keith, this is just another fork in the road. Lance will… he’ll come back to us. - P _

 

Keith paused and felt his heart overwhelmed - the quick paced beating hammering against his ribs, sweat collecting at the top of his head, and his breath hitched as loud coughs left him, followed by choked up sobs. He felt his eyes burn and his throat lump - and it all came crashing down. He started crying, but crying wasn’t even enough to describe it. In movies there’s usually dramatic music, orchestra tunes accompanying a sad moment, but there was nothing. Just the hum of the castle, and those pained noises emptying out in the soundless room. Keith grabbed his legs pulling them close to his chest, sobbing into his knees, mumbling weak apologies, begging against his limbs -  _ please wake up, please wake up, please wake up. It hurts I can’t do it without you, please don’t leave me here. _

 

Lance wasn’t quite sure what was happening until it was, and then he was walking over, sitting next to the crying mess. Lance was… he was scared. Keith was admirable, never faltering, comebacks perfect - and they always hit too close to home, which only ticked Lance off that much more. The cuban has never even  _ seen  _ a weak moment or point in the red paladin, just a shitty grin, and the combat skills to probably put Lance into the morgue too early.

 

“Isn't it though… Pidge? It’s my fault... I can't lose  _ you _ Lance. I can't lose you too… I’ve lost my family… you’re…. All I have so please...” Keith begged no one - nothing. Just the floor, which was blurred by the salty water that had accumulated and rolled down his face. 

 

Lance had never tried to touch or hug Keith in his lifetime, and definitely never even thought about it. This… the red paladin was a major thorn in Lance’s side. Always being better than Lance, always being good at everything, just generally perfect - and everyone liked him, and Lance couldn’t stand to be near him. This was the one time, the  _ only time _ , he reasoned with himself, where he’d throw that petty grudge to the side, and imagine his arms around Keith. Hand rubbing at the other’s back, letting soothing whispers of reassurance leave his mouth without hesitation… That dream fell short. All he could do was listen to Keith cry - let out those choked sobbing noises, wailing - and Lance couldn’t cry. He wanted to, he felt the need to - but nothing came from his eyes. Nothing because he didn’t have a body, a body with water - he was… he was alone. He can't do anything to  _ comfort _ Keith, couldn’t reach out and pinch Keith’s arm, couldn’t yell and whack the other. 

 

Keith can't do anything but wish Lance was awake so he could tell him things he never did, and never thought he could - or would want to. Hidden feeling buried deep beneath his walls, throwing away his emotions like he’d been taught. To be distant, not to get attached - and it dawned on Keith. 

 

_ He got attached to Lance.  _

 

\---

 

After a while Lance stood up, casting one last, pitiful look at Keith, and left. He walked like the shell of the person he used to be, a fake bravado, fake confidence. Fake it til you make it, he reasoned, and yet there was nothing. He was empty - numb. As his feet reeled forth, and he finally got to his destination - his body. His body that was weak, bags under his eyes, unnaturally skinny. To the clothes that were far too baggy, and the way his lips were opened ever so slightly. He was so  _ confused _ now, he didn't know if he should stay alive or just end it and make things easier for the rest of the team - the universe. The Blue Lion can choose another paladin and the two of them could save the universe far better than Lance ever could. He was basically ‘non-essential weight’, a quote stolen straight from Keith himself. 

 

_ “Useless, idiot, pain in the ass, why don't you just die.” _ Lance flinched and spun around looking for the source. Did he say that just now? Lance felt his fingers reach for his mouth - was that him? 

 

_ “God Lance, you’re such a waste of space and a pointless person. You damn illegal should just go back to whatever country you came from. You would never belong anywhere here in in the universe so just die already.” _ A childish voice overtook his ears, anxieties beginning to pick up. His hands shook, sweat sticking to the back of his neck - and he didn’t even have a body, but he felt oddly hot.

 

Lance shivered and turned to see an old memory. 

 

_ “Fuck.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you believe, tis I, SBK, uploading a c ha p t e r?!!?!?!! wH OA, whoa. Did you hear that? 
> 
> Anyway, go read something fluffy and cute after this bc it messed me up whiLE TYPING IT.   
> Maybe go listen to in love with a ghost, or go play ball or something - I don't know what you kids do these days.   
> I say go read some fluffy Klance fics or Shance, or whatever you reAD?   
> \---  
> Also like, I wanna talk about smth, theres this post filtering around where Klance can't happen bc it's abusive, and im like??  
> Yes, the post does make some good points, but I'd like to point out that it's kinda a weak argument?  
> Here's just my opinion, don't read this if it'll piss ye off.   
> But how about K-Dramas or anime, like Playful Kiss or something where the dude is perfect, and he constantly picks on the girl. Calls her stupid, says he can't stand her, shit like that, and the girl responds by trying and failing to make decent comebacks. Sound familiar? Well Keith and Lance kinda do that too, Keith being the perfect guy, and Lance being the silly, bubbly girl.   
> Essentially, I don't see how it's abusive? Sure they don't get along, but we all know they genuinely care about one another and take what they have to say to heart. Speaking of taking things to heart, make sure you let people know you're joking if you're saying something hurtful, and remember to just be there for them if they're going through something hard. Remember to let your friends help you, there, there for a reason. <3


	10. Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Far Away - Agust D

Overhead the sun filters through the spaces inbetween the green leaves, the trees stand tall overhead, doing their best to supply shade. The river rushing on by, slapping water against the tannish grey rocks situated into the muddied, wet ground. The occasional fish flopping up, only to crash back down, hiding beneath white waves.

“Did you know that you’ll never be a good enough pilot? Not without me? I mean, c’mon on Lance, you’re entirely useless out there.” 

A pause, enough for a bird to squawk loudly overhead. 

“You’re useless without help.” 

\--

When Keith clothes his eyes, and the sweet embrace of sleep wraps around him, he growls out of irritated, and then rises up. Sitting up, he places his hands beside him feeling something prickly press into his palms. Although, this time his ass is pressed into grass, and he can really feel it - really feel the way it prickles into his rear, and the he glares at the cause of his itchy agony. He takes a minute to glance around, a sea of grass. It shimmers in the light, moving along with the wind as though it was the waves of the ocean. Flowing, and a breeze seems to thread through his hair, lifting each individual strand through the summer/spring breeze. 

“I hate grass.” He sighed out, shaking his head at the overly green color and then remembers. He’s never seen this before, and if he was back imagining home, he’d be surrounded by sand. He then begins to panic because it’s unusual, and he’s supposed to be at home, why is he in the middle of a plain? Why is he here? Was he kidnapped? Did he leave the shack? His attention is taken off of the grass as he hears someone walk towards him from behind, Keith can hear each step of this person, he can hear the way the turf rustles and crunches. He reaches for the knife that usually rests in its sheath behind him, his shoulders and back stiffen, getting ready to strike. He turns, beginning to full blown lunge out - but that whole train stops when he sees blue jeans and a familiar green jacket.

He sees those familiar, dark blue eyes. The dark brown, caramel skin, and the small freckles on his large ears. The coffee colored hair that was always short but you could tell it would be wavy if he grew it out. The broad shoulders, that includes the muscular arms, includes those hands that were placed on his hips. The hips that could move and dance, shockingly well. Usually it begun when he heard a spanish beat, or any beat for that matter. A good song that he would hum to if he didn’t know the alien language, and that was most of the time anyways. Lance had quite the affinity for Shakira, and probably jammed to that the hardest. 

Keith looked at Lance’s legs, letting his eyes trail over their shape and figure. By the time Keith’s widened eyes landed on Lance’s face, he was left speechless. The expression made red paladin’s heart tense up. The way those eyes shifted, like Lance was about to cry. Or the way Lance’s smile was strained, the corners of his mouth twitching. 

“Hey, it’s been a while.” Lance whispered, voice unnaturally shaky. He was trying to maintain his naturally smug expression from breaking - breaking and showing how upset but happy he was. Keith’s body softened, finger slipping from the hilt of his knife. He was in absolute awe of seeing Lance in his vision, standing and not dying in a bed. Seeing him upright, so tall, seeming to shine. Lance was almost glowing, the sun reflecting off him like he was a white plane or something. Keith was in awe, Lance was breathing normally, not so softly that at times he couldn’t notice his chest moving. Watching the way Lance’s face tensed up in agony, or distress at random. Seeing him awake and alive and not in a bed with a destined fate, never to wake up again. 

“Lance...? I... is it really you?” Keith’s eyes burned slightly and he felt the warm, salty water fall down his cheek, the wind brushing his skin. Keith stared into Lance’s eyes and was looking as if searching, searching for some real sign that Lance was actually here and that he was well and alive! Keith got lost in the ocean blue eyes that Lance had, watching them glimmer and glow, and seeing the waves of the sea and the shore colliding and washing against each other. He had an ocean in his eyes, sparkling waters and blue reflecting light from underneath the waves, a sea at calm shores and slowing waves. 

Lost in the trance Keith found himself overwhelmed with happiness when he noticed Lance nod his head, answering his question. Keith sighed in relief and was overwhelmed with joy, so overwhelmed with joy, that perhaps he didn’t think his actions all the way through. He jumped up at the chance, gingerly, embracing Lance. The hesitation melted away like butter, and Keith squoze around Lance’s waist. He stayed there a little while, forehead resting against the crook of Lance’s neck. It dawned him then, realizing what it was he was doing exactly. He panicked, eyes widened, and took several steps backwards, stuttering and trying to come up with an excuse for his embarrassing actions. 

“I ah, I’m... I didn’t- I don’t mean- I wouldn’t... shouldn’t...” He sighed giving up for possibly any sort of bullshit excuse and trying to hide why he really did that. “Bonding moment....?” He finished and frowned soon after. He was slouching and looking at the ground, his face burning from embarrassment. His heart practically roared in his ears, pounding unnaturally rapidly in his chest. He sniffed away his crying and managed to calm down, Lance didn’t need to see him sobbing like a baby, he won’t live it down. He wiped at his eyes, puffy and red, and mustered up a smile. A very short lived smile. 

There’s no way we could happen, don’t you remember? He hates your guts for being better than him, for being so goddamn amazing when I’m not. He hates me so much that he purposefully forgot the good times we had, the memorable moments, we bonded when he first got hurt, on the carousel, and after all this, he hates me. 

“No I don’t, I don’t hate you Keith, how could I?” Lance said with a confused look, he walked towards Keith and placed his hands on his shoulders. “Don’t think that because you’re amazing, I hate you,” Keith face lit up. “because that’s not true and never will be. Just ask me later.” Keith’s face grew confused, he looked at Lance and held his arms.

“Ask you later? What do you mean? I can just ask you right now can’t I?” Keith said. Lance gave him a sympathetic smile and sigh, he closed his eyes and removed his hands, shoving them in the pockets of his green jacket. 

“Where are you right now Keith?” He asked gesturing to all the green grass and the setting sun with purples and blues and pinks and reds, looking at the multicolored clouds of the reflecting light and the glaring amount of them both. Keith felt confusion bubbling up in his chest, quickly wiping around to maintain eye contact with Lance. 

“We’re home, back to the place where we both- where you belong.” He said stopping at the reminder that he’s is in fact, half alien and doesn’t belong anywhere. 

“It’s technically where we both belong, and yes we are on earth, but where should we be?”

“Shouldn’t we be here? Where else would we be?” Keith said looking around and staring at the sky. He was clueless. What on Earth was Lance talking about, where they should be? “I don’t understand your riddles, Lance.” He quirked a brow, irritation beginning to replace the confusion. He doesn’t remember that he’s fighting a war, at least not until his mind is flooded with the memories. The memories of the vast, and emptiness of space. Yet how crowded it was, how many planets, shimmering lights, and stars there were. How many strange, different languages and cultures. He and the others were supposed to be on a giant spaceship - actually, wasn’t it a castle or something? Well, whatever it was, Keith and the others were supposed to floating through the endless universe. They should be fighting to save the universe on top of all that, and that includes saving a lot of people from Zarkon - protecting the different races and planets and… and…! Lance was still asleep. Keith gasped and took a step back since he knew that this wasn’t real, a hallucinogen or something, it wasn’t real. This isn’t real. Keith looked at Lance and felt his heart sink, falling deep into his gut, his spirit crushed. This? This was not Lance or, at the very least, the real him. This was simply Keith’s brain crying out for help, trying to create an alternate reality where it was Lance. Where the two of them were home and safe, oblivious to their fates, oblivious to the war that was threatening to destroy them. 

Keith sat down on the grass, or really he fell. He fell, even though it pricked his ass and it was annoying. The cool ground gave him the slightest feeling of dampness, and an itch that wasn’t pleasant, but he dealt with it anyways. Keith brought his legs up to his chest, and hugging the limbs ever closer to him. He slouched on the slight hill he was on, placing his forehead against his arm. Lance sat down next to him, much more open compared to Keith - Keith who was suddenly that much more reclusive. Lance sat with his legs out, waving them back and forth. He was leaning back on his hands, a small, semi-content smile on his face. Keith occasionally kept sparing short lived glances over towards Lance. For a few of those seconds, he couldn’t stop thinking if it was a good idea. A good idea to be wasting time like this, sitting here in what felt like the world's most peaceful place. They were still in silence for a good while, awkward at mentioning a word since this was Keith’s dream, this wasn’t real and all in his head. Whatever Lance said would be all that Keith wanted him to say, not what he’d really say. Keith glanced over and sighed, he shifted his position more towards Lance and then spoke.

“So, you’re not real and you’re in my head.”

“No, I am real, you’re in a dream but I’m real.” Lance said in immediate protest facing Keith. Lance sighed knowing he had to explain. “I’ve been around, this whole time, not my body of course, but like, an-” 

“An out-of-body experience?” Keith finished Lance’s sentence which to Lance, was the cutest thing ever, his heart jumped and skipped a beat when he hear Keith’s voice chime in with his. His heart fluttered a bit. The face that Keith wore too was so fucking adorable, he was astonished and looked as if he found out the meaning of life. His eyes glowed and his jaw dropped made him look so small compared to Lance. Lance’s face began to heat at the cute sight of Keith as he tried to continue.

“Yeah, and well, I found out that I can enter dream and the like, I think it might be because the other paladins and I have this connection and it links our minds.” Keith’s jaw dropped even more, which Lance didn’t think was possible but it was hella cute. 

“How did you figure this out?” He asked.

“I messed around Pidge, and found myself in her dream,” Lance paused for a second thinking to himself then continued. “She was crying in her sleep so I guess I tried to help her but found myself in her dream. I tried it with Allura and Coran, but it didn’t work. And I thought that maybe it cause they’re aliens, but then I did it with you, and you’re half alien. So it’s this weird connec-”

“Wait,” Keith cringed and scooted back a little bit, considering the expression on his face that he wore he was confused a little scared and concerned. “You went into my dream before?” He asked. Lance paused. 

Oh shit. He gulped down and then hesitantly nodded with his eyes closed, scared of Keith’s reaction. He noticed that he was being tackles or punched or anything so he slowly opened his eyes. He found Keith scooted further away and with a red face. 

“What did you see, what do you know?” Lance scoffed and smiled, he looked at Keith who looked scared and very worried about what Lance would know. 

“Nothing, I don’t remember it, and I guess neither do you. It’s like I forgot the dream when you woke up, and it might have something to do with how you forgot it.” Lance said. “Hopefully you’ll remember this one other wise it’ll take longer...” Lance slowed his words and stopped when he realized he might have been talking too much. He shook his head and noticed that Keith slid back next to him, he smiled, Keith was too fucking cute. 

“Okay, just wondering... But, how did you know I’m half alien?” Keith asked. Lance took in a breath then leaned back, laying down in the grass, and looking up at the multi colored sky of blues, reds, purples, and oranges. The clouds big white and fluffy, reflecting light from the setting sun and the rising moon, the stars beginning to shine from the lack of light pollution. 

“It was easy, you found the blue Lion through energy, you have that knife and the biggest kicker, is that you can work Galra tech. Remember that time where the two of us had to stop these ships from escaping the hanger to free the Balmera?” Keith nodded. “I couldn’t work it but you could. It might have something to do with your blood. I could be wrong though.” Lance said looking over to Keith, and shrugged giving a small frown with it. “It was kind of easy.” Keith nodded and sighed, moving his back outward and then slowly inward. Lance stared at his back and saw the muscles and the smooth laying of it’s movement. He looked alive, and pretty healthy. Better than Hunk for sure. Lance reached his hand out and rubbed at Keith’s back feeling this soft shirt and smoothing out the wrinkles, feeling the tense back and it’s muscles, the dips and bulges of it with every move he made. Lance’s fingers spread out and covered a huge part of Keith’s back and slowly fell down to his lower back reaching to a part where his shirt was lifted above the seam of his leggings, revealing his pale skin. Lance’s pinky finger touched the warm skin and sent chills throughout Keith’s back, which made him shudder and lean into Lance’s hand. Then Lance’s ring finger and middle touched his light skin and slide up his shirt is a swift motion. 

“What are you doing?” Keith spoke suddenly, scaring Lance and quickly removing his hand from the warm flesh and sat straight up quickly. His face grew red as he didn’t make eye contact.

“I don’t know...” Lance said criss-crossing his legs close to him. Keith smirked seeing Lance and sighed.

“Why aren’t you awake?” Keith asked silently. Lance looked over and frowned, he had a really good idea as to why, and there wasn’t enough time to tell it all to Keith. 

“It might be because of what happened to me before.” Keith quickly glanced at Lance with concern for him. “It’s nothing too important you can ask Hunk about elementary school and... Him.” Lance said looking down at the grass. “But you’ll do that when you’re awake, right now I’m hanging out with you, so everything is gonna be fine!” Lance gave a smile and began to ramble on about how Keith was good at things that he wasn’t and how Lance was going to be fine, but it was all bullshit to Keith’s ears. He was more concerned about Lance and how he probably had an awful childhood. What had happened?

“Lance...”

“-And even though I have some talents, I can’t even compare to you guys.”

“Lance.” Keith said louder.

“I’m useless without help, especially when I was a kid,”

“Lance!” Keith yelled grabbing Lance’s shoulder.

“What? Were you saying something?” Lance asked. 

“Yeah, I called your name like three times.” Keith said, but Lance was growing confused. He shook his head and pointed to his ear.

“I can’t hear you Keith, what did you say?” Lance leaned in closer seeing if a shorter distance between them would help, but it proved fatal when Keith repeated the same words and Lance still didn’t understand him. The wind around them started to pick up in speed and ferocity that Keith’s hair flew in the wind and showed the same forehead freckles that Lance saw at the the amusement park. Keith looked up and saw that the clear colorful sky, was growing dim and and a damp gray. He looked back down to Lance and found Lance examining the world around them with a slight fear of what was happening. Keith grabbed Lance’s attention and then smiled, a warm smile that silenced and stopped the world around Lance, feeling and enjoying the moments with Keith. Then Keith wrapped his arms around Lance and hugged him tight. He whispered a few words into Lance’s ear even though he probably wouldn’t be able to hear him, he tried anyways. Then everything went black then to a bright flashing red and a loud buzzing. Keith shot up and gasped when he woke up into the real world and heard the princess’s screaming voice and a siren.

“GET UP!! WE’RE UNDER ATTACK!!” 

\-- 

“You’re such a waste of space Lance, there’s no way someone like you would ever be a pilot! Iverson would never allow it!”

“Shut up Archer! That’s not fair to Lance and you know it!” Hunk screamed, he had to yell over the wailing of Lance and had to hold back his own tears.

“You too Hunk, you’ve done nothing right since you came here, so why don’t you just leave us alone, you’re an awful friend!” Lance was crying and hurled up in a ball holding his face that was bleeding, flowing just as fast as his tears. He wailed from the pain and the betrayal which broke Lance’s tiny heart. Hunk was standing in front of Lance crying along with him and trying to protect the smaller boy. He yelled back at Archer who was calling Lance names.

“Useless! Weak! Stupid! Jerkwad! Dumb-head! Waste of space! Illegal! Get out of here! You don’t belong! You’ll never belong! Dummy! You’re not special! You’re Lame! Idiot! You’ll never be a pilot! Baby! Asshole! You’ll never be anything! Just die already!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha.... HAAAAHHHHH....
> 
> This chapter was strangely harder to write than normal, but it's pretty good right? I don't really know. We should mention, that DOB is ending soon. And by soon I mean like in the next several chapters, So far I'm thinking 14 maybe 16??? But it's reaching it's conclusion and we might do a mass-editing change some story elements and such but we'll let you know.


	11. Save

_“Keith! We need to distract the other ships from the Castle! You go left I’ll go right!”_ Said Shiro over the coms in the lions.

 

“Into the forest!?” Keith yelled from the blaring noise inside the Red Lion.

 

 _“It’s your only chance! We can’t let them get the blue lion and we can’t form Voltron so we’re trapped!”_ Keith looked around and found an entranceway to the forest of the planet they were nearby. A loud explosion fired at the Red Lion and knocked it off balance, Keith yelled as the red lion was hit with another beam of purple and thrown far closing his opportunity to the forest.

 

“Fuck!” The forest was overrun and the only other chance was to his right where a mountain was, above was a plane but it was really high up, almost as if it was higher than Mount Everest, it was the only place he could run to now. Keith maneuvered away up and down and found himself at the foot of the mountain beginning to scale it.

 

 _“Keith! Where are you going!? That’s not the right way! Keith-”_ Shiro cut out of transmission, no one could reach Keith, everyone screamed for Keith but nothing would go through to the Red Lion. Keith rose against the mountain dodging fire and beams causing them to hit the mountain, rocks began to fall and hit the Red Lion hitting against its head and it’s back. Soon, the rocks grew to boulders and giant pieces of the mountain came crashing down weighing the Red Lion down. Keith tried to hold the lion up and resist the fall but it proves futile and fell. He screamed from the fall and landed with a loud boom as the rest of the mountain piled on top of him.

 

Silence.

 

Static.

 

Crying.

 

\--

 

Coran ran as fast as he could, jumping over debris and skid to a halt as he would turn left or right, running like a mad man in a hedge maze. Yes, he needed to be at the head of the ship, but there was something else that needed his attention and it could not be overlooked because the compassion of Coran would overpower him anyways. By the time that Coran made it to the room, he found Lance lying on the ground and still unconscious, he was several feet away from the bed and the machines were no longer reading Lance’s vitals causing the ringing in Coran’s ears give him a slight migraine. Stray cords coated Lance with the loud continuous ringing indicating that there is no pulse, even though it’s not connected to anything and the blasting and alarms throughout the ship. Coran bent and picked up Lance and turned him over seeing if he was okay when suddenly, he was launched up off the floor and the ship was in freefall. Lance flew out of Coran’s reach and found himself, on the ceiling of the room, watching as Lance slammed his back against the back wall, and fall limply to the ground. Coran screamed out for Lance and tried to make his way to him.

 

“Lance! Princess! You need to stop falling! Lance could die!!” He yelled, and shortly after, Coran fell from the ceiling and to the ground flat, groaning in pain. In Coran’s ears, he heard people screaming for Keith to respond as he carried Lance. He sighed and hugged Lance, whispering in his ear.

 

“First you, now Keith? Voltron is falling apart...” He began to sob gripping Lance’s arms and trembled in his heartache. He didn’t notice Lance’s ethereal being, not his body, fall to the ground and in horror and shock, Keith was dead?

 

\--

 

What was it like to watch your best friend fall to their death? Well, their hair flies up by each, individual strand, and there’s panic swarming in their purple-blue eyes. There’s also the way they look so peaceful at some point, as the air escaped their lungs, and they’ve gone long enough without oxygen that their brain stops altogether. It’s the cycle of life, Keith supposes. It’s a thing that happens, everyone dies, including him. Be it in the ocean, in free fall, or when someone you care so deeply for might never hear your voice and Vise-Versa.

 

So maybe the proper question isn’t quite that, but it’s close to the main idea, let’s try again.

 

What is it like _to_ fall to your death while thinking about _him_? Keith is doing it right now, and even then he can’t quite explain it. It’s like, wanting to cry and panic, scream and push and fight and mostly, see Lance’s smile again - but being unable to. There’s too much space, and you’re so _sad._ The thought of Lance’s laugh pierced Keith’s heart and it’s the feeling of: I let you down Lance, and I’m sorry.

 

The fall stops and booms deafening those around it, no energy remaining in his body, and soon, a beautiful blacken void crawls around him. He feels a sense of serenity and overwhelming peace, Keith, for but a moment, feel crushed. Then it’s unimaginable - it’s so lonely and cold. Keith is _dead._

 

\--

 

Lance found himself watching Coran as he ran to the bridge, carrying Lance’s limp body, the castle was taking heavy fire and things weren't going well for the paladins. Lance couldn't do much besides thinking about Keith, even if he was dead, Lance couldn't help but have him in his mind. If Keith was dead they'll never be able to form Voltron because Keith is an important asset to the team, the sword of Voltron while Lance, Lance didn't make a difference since he's just the leg, the 7th wheel, the one who doesn't belong. He really was useless to them all.

 

 _“Why am I still here if I can't help anybody? I'm so useless that I don't even need to be here. Keith is dead, everyone is getting overrun, why am I still alive if I can’t FUCKING DO ANYTHING!!??”_ Lance screamed so loud that it drowned the blasting and the pollution noises outside, which then drowned the sobs that stilled Lance's movements.

 

 _“Everything is done for. Why am I still here? Keith... Keith is gone and it's my fault. It all my fault. Why did I have to be in this goddamn coma and why am I stuck in this state? I can't do anything, I'm just a useless body who is weighing everyone down, they've never said it but they've all thought it, they know it. So why am I still here if I'm doing nothing to help the team? Why? TELL ME WHY GOD? If you even exist...”_ Lance stumbled back and leaned against the nearest wall, slouching and then grabbing a fist full of hair, pulling the strands and tearing out of his scalp, then he covered his face and slid to the ground. He sobbed in his hands and found himself wailing against his hands, not caring for anyone to hear him as if anyone could anyways. Lance then hugged his legs and sat in silence, the silence only to his ears, everyone and everything was quiet and it didn't see real, it seemed more like time had frozen but it was moving by so quickly he couldn't comprehend.

 

There was this ache that Lance had in the back of his mind, he needed to get to his Lion for some reason. Something inside him said; Get into your lion. But he didn’t want to move, he just wanted to stay in one place and just, stop. Stop in everything, stop in anything, stop thinking, stop breathing, stop moving, stop existing. Things were happening way too fast, and it overwhelmed our poor Lance. At first, when he entered the lion, it gave him the thought of saving everyone on earth, and now, that though was thinking something so farfetched that Lance believed it was impossible.

 

 _Save Keith_.

  
Why would he need to, he was dead anyways right? Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things got complicated with posting the chapter....


	12. Help

The smile that he wore looked like he was on the brink of madness. He had done it. He had pushed Voltron into a corner they couldn’t find the escape. One lion was buried under rubble, and another wasn’t even in the sky, which meant something happened to its paladin, which means good news for Zarkon. He began to laugh loudly when he witnessed the green lion being struck down and the Yellow trying desperately to help but was overrun. The castle in the atmosphere was looking like it was on the edge of bursting into flames and burning the entire way down, plummeting to its cursed fate. Voltron was losing.

 

\--

 

Lance found himself stumbling throughout the castle, the dark hallways flashing a red light blinding Lance with every step. He had no plan in mind, he had no destination, he just had this thought that would pop up in his mind: Get into your lion and save Keith. Lance scoffed at the thought, why save a dead man, To look at his corpse and regret everything you’ve ever done. You’ve called him stupid, you’ve insulted his hair, you’ve done wrong by him in almost everywhere, Hell, you even took it so far that you had to try and push him down because he was better than you. 

 

_ You just had to mess things up with him, didn’t you...? _ Lance stopped in his steps, leaning against the wall he remained frozen. 

 

_ You just had to insult, mess, and even forget about him- You really are useless. _

 

“I know, shut up...”

 

Get...

 

“I’m so stupid.”

 

In...

 

“I killed them all, I had to want to chase mermaids...”

 

Your...

 

“Why was I such a fool.” 

 

Lion...

 

“I couldn’t even tell him—”

 

Save...

 

“...I never hated...”

 

KEITH!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that moment when you actually haven't worked on this at all but then decided to and forget half the plot... It's still going don't worry, but it will take a while.

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter was written by Syn/SBK 
> 
> Archiveofourown.org/profiles/SBK
> 
> This chapter was written by KeybladeMasterPhantom047
> 
> http://archiveofourown.org/users/KeybladeMasterPhantom047


End file.
